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A/N: Originally, this chapter lacked the reasons behind Harry’s motivations to keep on fighting and not just sink deeper into depression. At least now this version does!
CHAPTER 2: THE GRIEVING AND BROODING BOY WHO LIVED
Quid agam? Quo me vertam? What am I to do? Where am I to
turn?
-Terence, Hecyra (516)
Likewise, a couple hundred miles away from the famous Wizarding school,
in
Little Whinging,
On the upper floor of number 4, Privet Drive, a lonely, introverted
teenager
was staring out the window, with a sad look in his vivid green eyes,
his
jet-black hair somewhat disheveled, and a depressed expression on his
thin
face, which happened to include a scar on his forehead shaped like a
bolt of
lightning.
Harry Potter was still in the process of grieving over the death of his
godfather, Sirius Black. Almost everyone thought that Sirius was a
hardened
criminal who had betrayed his parents, and had murdered thirteen people
with
one curse. They had thought that he killed Peter Pettigrew, nicknamed
Wormtail,
being an unregistered Animagus, who was another friend of the Potters',
and was
blown to bits, along with twelve innocent Muggle bystanders. Sirius had
been
sentenced to Azkaban for life, and then broke out when he learned that
Peter,
the turncoat, was at Hogwarts, disguised as another student's pet rat.
The truth was that Sirius had made Wormtail the Potters' Secret- Keeper
at the
last moment as a bluff, thinking that Voldemort would come after Sirius
instead
of Wormtail. What Sirius had not anticipated was Wormtail's cowardice.
Wormtail
betrayed the Potters, Sirius went after Wormtail, who was a convincing
actor,
blowing up the whole street so he could transform as a rat and escape
through
the sewers below.
At the end of his third year at Hogwarts, Harry learned the truth and
faced
Wormtail for the first time. Sirius, along with Remus Lupin, Harry's
ex-Defense
Against the Dark Arts Professor, who was the Potters' other friend,
wanted to
kill Wormtail for his betrayal. They were about to do so, when Harry
himself
stepped in. He prevented them from killing Pettigrew, saying that he
didn't
want his father's remaining friends to sink down to Wormtail's level,
and that
if they brought Wormtail back alive, they could prove Sirius'
innocence. They
all agreed to this, but Peter later escaped that same night.
During Harry's fourth year, Sirius remained on the run but otherwise
unharmed
or captured, while Wormtail had returned to Voldemort himself. The Dark
Lord,
the same one who Wormtail had betrayed Harry's parents to, created a
temporary
body, but needed to restore himself to his own body. They needed
Harry's blood
to create Voldemort's new body, so they set up a trap to lure him into
their
hands. It worked over the course of the year in the Triwizard
Tournament, their
best window of opportunity, since Harry was so magically well protected
wherever he went. The plan worked, and Voldemort got his body back.
Amazingly,
though, Harry made an extraordinary escape back to Hogwarts.
Harry snorted as he thought of this. The morning
after he
saved Wormtail's life, Dumbledore told Harry that since he saved
Wormtail's
life, he would be indebted to the boy, and that this certain magical
bond would
be useful in the future. Yet somehow, Harry thought, that hadn't
stopped
Wormtail from assisting the infamous Dark Lord into getting his own
body back.
Was Dumbledore perhaps wrong about that too?
Dumbledore. Harry was isolated from him during his previous year at
Hogwarts,
and found little and no support in the white-haired wizard while the
Ministry
of Magic made snide remarks to Harry, forced the repulsive Dolores Jane
Umbridge on the school, and allowed ten Death Eaters to escape from
Azkaban,
thanks to subservient dementors who sided with Voldemort rather than
the
Ministry. Dumbledore had apologized with much remorse last year after
Sirius'
death, claiming it was an old man's mistakes. Somehow, Harry never
thought of
Dumbledore as old. Granted, he may well be over a hundred years old,
but if
he's the powerful Head of Hogwarts, leader of the Order of the
Once again, Harry's thoughts turned to Sirius. He was locked in combat
with the
Death Eater known as Bellatrix Lestrange, who Sirius had the misfortune
of
being a cousin to. She stunned him and Sirius fell backwards through
the
mysterious veil of an ancient arch, never to be seen again. Harry
pursued
Lestrange, and even tried using the Unforgivable Cruciatus Curse on
her. He
shuddered. Now would he get in trouble for that? Hopefully, Dumbledore
could
help him sort that out. He had used it in his rage at losing his
godfather, and
he wanted Lestrange to feel some of the pain he felt. He vowed that he
would
never use an Unforgivable Curse ever again, no matter who he wanted to
use it
on.
At that moment, Hedwig flew threw the open window. She hooted because
she could
sense Harry's grief. She tried nuzzling him and affectionately nibbling
his
finger, and he only reluctantly stroked her feathers in gratitude for
her
company.
Harry had been continuing his practice at Occlumency, an obscure branch
of
magic, which trained someone in defense of the mind against external
penetration. Without Professor Snape as his tutor again, he was doing
quite
well, truth be told. When Harry defeated Voldemort the first time, as a
one-year old infant, he had somehow gained a bit of Voldemort's powers,
such as
Parseltongue, which was the ability to communicate with serpents.
However,
after Voldemort's return into his own body, Harry discovered that he
could tap
into Voldemort's mind, normally while he slept, and so it was a
priority for
him to learn Occlumency, before Voldemort tried to work the order in
reverse,
and gain a foothold in Harry's mind. Lessons with his least favorite
professor
went particularly bad, and so he failed at it. Now, however, most of
his dreams
were simply trivial, regarding things that normal teenage boys should
have,
like sports or homework.
Harry was most bothered by the prophecy, which was the cause for so
much
strife. Ever since Voldemort had regained control of his body about a
year
before, he wanted to hear the prophecy, which concerned himself and
Harry. Made
shortly before Harry was born, it foretold of the One with the power to
vanquish the Dark Lord, born at the end of July of that year to parents
who had
escaped from Voldemort three times. The Dark Lord would mark the One as
his
equal, but have power the Dark Lord doesn't have. In the end, the One
or
Voldemort would have to die and the hand of the other, for neither
could live
while the other survives.
"The One" was Harry himself. He was born on July 31, 1980. His
parents, James and Lily Potter, had escaped from Voldemort three times.
Harry
had the lightning bolt scar on his forehead from when the Dark Lord
first
failed to kill him. Harry's power which the Dark Lord didn't have was
love,
nobility, and compassion, certain powers which the cold, cruel, and
ruthless
evil wizard didn't have. And now, in the end, one of them had to kill
the
other.
Voldemort's eavesdropper only heard the first part, pertaining to the
approximate date of birth and the achievements of the parents. Based on
this
complete information, there were two Wizarding boys who it could have
applied
to. One was Harry, of course. The other possible candidate was one of
Harry's
classmates, Neville Longbottom.
For the past five years, Neville had been something of a social
outcast, picked
on by bullies and having trouble with most of his classes, albeit
Herbology.
Harry had always stuck up for him, and he was one of the staunch
supporters
outside Harry's own circle of friends who vouched for him when nearly
30
students met to agree to start their own Defense group after Umbridge
refused
to teach them anything other than useless theory. Harry could now
sympathize
with Neville more than ever. Both of them had fought valiantly at the
Department of Mysteries barely a month ago, and both of them were
orphaned
after their parents were killed or incapacitated. Harry's parents were
killed
by Voldemort, and Neville's parents were driven insane. Frank and Alice
Longbottom worked for the Order, just like Harry's parents. They were
Aurors
(dark Wizard catchers), and very popular with the community. Not long
after
Voldemort's downfall, a group of Death Eaters, believing that they had
information of Voldemort's whereabouts, had driven them insane using
the
Cruciatus Curse. On of these Death Eaters was Bellatrix Lestrange
herself, who
was sentenced to life in Azkaban for her heinous actions. Neville now
lived
with his paternal grandmother, although they visited his parents at St.
Mungo's
Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries during the holidays.
However, they
could not even recognize them, due to how much damage was inflicted on
them.
Now, sitting here and thinking to himself, Harry reflected upon his situation. Surely there could have been other people apart from him who suffered over the course of the past year.
Yes, indeed there were. While he may have broken up with Cho Chang,
he now
realized it was because of the fact that he was being haunted by his
own
problems, and was unable to spare the time for her. She suffered too
over the
loss of Cedric Diggory, right? Now that Harry lost his godfather, he
could
express more sympathy for her as opposed to the previous year. (2)
Neville Longbottom had also undoubtedly suffered. He had grown up without his parents, but with his grandmother, who was at least caring, however strict. All the memories of his parents and his feelings must have resurfaced this past year, when their torturers first broke out of Azkaban and then fought and tortured Neville himself along with Harry and their friends in the Department of Mysteries.
Worst of all that was bearing down on him was the issue with his Potions professor, Snape. He had seen memories of his father and godfather tormenting Snape in front of other students while they were still at school. Harry always thought that the main reason Snape hated him was because of a leftover grudge held against Potter Sr., but this was beyond that. Harry had still been feeling a kind of guilt over not knowing otherwise, and it felt like a burden on him. He just wanted to get it off his back, make Snape see otherwise. And since Harry wanted to become an Auror, which required N.E.W.T.-level Potions classes, he didn’t think he could deal with another two years of the same verbal abuse.
Nor was Harry blind to the problems of his own best friends. Ron had gotten attacked by those brain creatures in the Department of Mysteries, and Hermione had been knocked out by an evil Dark curse which left a lot of damage to her afterwards. The last time Harry had checked, both of them had recovered to the point where there would be no more problems, but even though both Ron and Hermione had reassured him that it wasn’t his fault, and that it was their own decision to join him and fight, he still felt some false blame for what happened, much like when Cedric got unwittingly dragged along, only to meet his own untimely death.
For the first week or so ever since he had returned to
He had to think about how he was going to fight in the war which he had to win, or so the prophecy claimed. His whole world had been shattered the previous year, with incompetent authorities, teachers that could provide little help... all his pillars of support had been knocked down, and so he had to rely on himself, which only resulted in disaster. Now Harry had to see the world in a new light, and find a different way to deal with it. Heck, he’d even be willing to work with students from the other Houses at Hogwarts, so long as they opposed Voldemort as he did.
Harry made a promise to himself, a vow, never to let any of his friends down. He vowed to work with anyone who was against Voldemort and not turn them away because of any differences he had with them. He vowed to get himself to his goal and reach his limit. He vowed to not let others walk over him and bury his own problems in the past and forget them, but rather to stick up for himself and defend himself. Harry had to rise to meet the challenge.
‘But could I do all this?’ he thought to himself.
Dumbledore’s words floated back into his mind, about choosing what is right and what is easy...
Even if Dumbledore had erred greatly last year, Harry still knew he was right, and he was trying to follow his own wisdom of choosing the right over the easy.
Harry wiped away the last of his tears. He could mourn more later.
In the
meantime, he had a destiny to deal with.
With a sudden desire to start fulfilling his vow at that very moment,
Harry
decided to write some letters to people who needed them or could use
them
greatly.
End of Chapter 2.
A/N: As you can see, Harry’s now trying to face his problems and not hide from them. He’s now trying to rise to meet the challenge.
(1) I read at the HP Lexicon that Dumbledore was born c. 1840, so I'm going with that.
(2) YES, now that I think about it, while Cho DID act a little bitchy and stuff in OotP, I mean, come on, she’s in mourning, right? Show the girl a little sympathy!
Oh, and she stays, since she’s still vital to the story line.