RULES

TABLE

HISTORY

FUN STUFF

League 17 Report: Phobias pulled out all the stops to see off the challenge of Street Athletic and go into the last match of the season needing only to avoid defeat to win the title. Street failed to negate enough of the opponents Lethal Strike and gave them far too many chances in front of goal when a draw would have been good enough! Enchanters continue to impress and re-organised from a failing tactic to defeat Ringwraiths to ensure a top 5 finish. Albany contributed to their own downfall when they played just 1 midfielder against Teddybears. Their chances were few and they never looked like scoring as Teddybears ran riot! Penarol took the points at home to El Fredos leaving the latter club still needing a point to avoid relegation. Cimmereans were the better side in the clash that saw rivals Trench relegated. Trench have had a hard season and were without two regulars and Cimmereans, on the other hand, looked fresh and at full strength. In Division 2: Spartans quadrupled their goal tally for the season but still allowed Sysfems to out-score them. Ascot Albion put up a brave fight but Scourge were not to be denied today! Allstars kept up their challenge with a hard fought victory at Thespian but it was a game they dominated from start to finish but found hard to score! Discworld made sure Brixworth went down with a game to spare. Close Marking will see an improvement in Brixworth’s fortunes next season! In Division 3: Esquire moved into the second promotion spot by beating Tommymartyn but now must beat Faeros away to go up! Pooch City turned up the aggression to knock Wingate from their perch. Wingate’s goalkeeper was so irked by a clumsy challenge that he got himself sent off along with Harel limping off it came as no surprise when Pooch came from behind to win! Dominators missed their chance to beat Comic Capers and now need a miracle to get promotion! Pierrots broke Priorytown’s heart when they took both points at home for the first time this season!

RINGWRAITHS (0) 1…..3 (0) ENCHANTERS. 47,000. Milamber(R) CMed Bobbid; Black(R) CMed

(8-4-13v10-0-3) (svf) Dranners in 1^st half and booked; Tallpaul(E) CMed Gurgeh; Gibbon(E)

Riftwar – Moe, Bobbid 2. CMed Blade; Moe(E) CMed Owain in 2^nd half; Howlett(E) replaced

Gibbon. Enchanters missed a penalty.

R: Underhill; Milamber, Black, Riftwar; Bagend, Culture, Faramir, Arthur; Blade, Gurgeh, Owain.

E: Muppet; Moe; Tallpaul, Gibbon; Nudey, Dude, Baba; Judas, Bobbid, Bosh, Dranners.

PHOBIAS (2) 5…..3 (1) STREET ATHLETIC. 60,000. Ochlo(P) CMed Adriano; Mastigo(P) CMed

(13-4-8v11-5-4) (svs) Euretho, Drogba in 1^st half; Zanetti(S) CMed Bronto; Ramos(S) CMed Nelo;

Ochlo, Anthro, Kristallo, Nelo - Arachno(P) replaced Bronto; Messi(S) replaced Adriano; Euretho(P)

Zanetti, Drogba 2. booked. Phobias used a GP.

P: Theo; Geno; Ochlo, Mastigo; Euretho, Claustro, Toco; Anthro, Kristallo, Bronto, Nelo.

S: Cech; Cambiasso; Zanetti, Ramos; Saviola, Kaka, Robinho; Drogba, Torres, Adriano, Messi.

TEDDYBEARS (1) 5…..0 (0) ALBANY WANDERERS. 41,000. Amoruso(T) CMed Sadiq; Barby(T)

(12-0-15v2-0-0) (svs) failed to CM Miller; Walker(A) CMed Burke; Guy(A) CMed Flo;

Rae, Prso 3, Burke. Dutton(A) CMed Floater; Flo(T) and Guy(A) booked. Tedds were on form.

T: McCloy; Amoruso, Barby, Mexes; Rae, DeBoer, Riquelme; Flo, Burke, Prso, Floater.

A: Leach; Walker, Guy, Dutton, Woosey, London; Reese; Hill, Miller, Sadiq, Newby.

PENAROL (2) 4…..0 (0) EL FREDOS. 55,000. Rusol(P) CMed Bombardier; Syrah(E) CMed Pushtina in

(9-0-4v20-0-7) (svs) 1^st half; Shepherds(E) failed to CM Shevchenko; Plonk(E) replaced

Camoranese, Micoud, Nedved 2. Becks but CMed by Boumsong; Penarol missed a Penalty while El

Fredos were on form.

P: Kirkland; Boumsong, Rusol; Micoud, Zokora, Camoranese; Verpakovskis, Milevskiy, Nedved, Pushtina, Shevchenk

E: Neame; Theakston; Syrah, Shepherds, Becks; Peculiar, Miguel, Directors, Cerveza, Fuller; Bombardier.

CIMMEREANS (2) 3…..0 (0) TRENCH WARFARE. 37,000. Collins(C) CMed Simpson; Sobers(C)

(10-0-8v7-2-6) (svf) CMed Vine; Kay(T) CMed Snappy; Bren(T) CMed Rhodes; Erinle(T)

Flack, Snappy, Rhodes. replaced Vine; Sobers and Lordan(C) booked.

C: Price; DeVos; Collins, Sobers, Casement; Lordan, Flack, Smith; Rhodes, Craig, Snappy.

T: Robinson; Kay, Noon, Bren; Wilkinson, Bayonet, Rees; Lund, Sheridan, Simpson, Vine.

SPARTANS (1) 3…..5 (2) SYSFEMS. 34,000. Sysfems chose to play only two Defenders and failed to pick

(9-0-5v6-3-2) (svs) Apocalypse, the Forwards that Spartans had on the pitch for CMing consequently

Phoenix, Imhotep – Nutter, Laura 2, Lewis, Sinclair. Spartans had their best result of the season!

Sp: Driver; Prometheus; Dagon, Equinox, Apocalypse; Powers, Starfury, Angel, Thor; Imhotep, Phoenix.

Sy: Hogan; Nutter, Widdowson; Langley, Laura, Vasey; Lewis, Fields, Sinclair, Edwin, Carthy.

ASCOT ALBION (3) 5…..6 (3) BLACK SCOURGE. 42,000. Murphy(A) CMed Elizium; Weekes(A)

(1-0-13v7-0-7) (svs) CMed Dawnrazor; Vapour(B) CMed Hough; Venom(B) CMed

Weekes, Peterson 2, Thomas 2 - Hartigan; Blackblood(B) replaced Dawnrazor; Hooley(A) and

Vapour, Slug 2, Beast, Caniggia, Blackblood. Portillo(B) booked. Ascot used a GP.

A: Hooley; Murphy, Weekes; Fisher, Houlgrave, Hackney; Hough, Hartigan, Thomas, Kenwright, Peterson.

B: Drac; Venom, Vapour; Dominion, Slug, Power; Caniggia, Elizium, Beast, Dawnrazor, Portillo.

PSV DEVDIV (1) 2…..3 (1) HARCHESTER UNITED. 51,000. Hellraiser(P) failed to CM Alexander;

(5-0-7v9-2-8) (fvs) Fatty, Ken – Barbie(P) CMed Ducati in 1^st half; Fantic(H) CMed Ball and booked;

Fantic, Ducati, Alexander. Magni(H) CMed Jack; Malaguti(H) CMed Horne. Harchester used a GP.

P: Sandman; Cassidy; Barbie, Hellraiser; Fatty, Abel, Szymala, Ken; Ball, Horne, Jack.

H: Zoff; Fantic, Magni, Malaguti; Husaberg, Kawasaki, Valentine, Presley; Alexander, Aprilia, Ducati.

THESPIAN UNITED (0) 1…..2 (0) US ALLSTARS. 47,000. Brosnan(T) CMed Allen; Boone(T) CMed

(9-0-6v3-5-10) (svs) Tuggle(U) CMed Muppet; Green(U) CMed Bosley; Barnett(U) CMed

Bosley – Barnett, Riggins. Turner. Thespian off form, US Allstars used a GP.

T: Bloom; Sanders; Brosnan, Boone; Moonchild, Cameron, Tennant, DiCaprio; Bosley, Turner, Muppet.

U: Sayers; Tuggle, Green, Barnett; Brady, Wright, Romo; Allen, Dorsett, Jackson, Riggins.

RC BRIXWORTH (1) 1…..4 (2) DISCWORLD. 31,000. Weatherwax(D) CMed Pietro; Lynch(D) CMed

(6-5-7v6-0-10) (svs) Cooper - Chopra; Wyrd(D) CMed Cooper; Taggart(D) booked. Brixworth will

Evilharry, Ponder 2, Bouznikine. return to Division 3 with lessons learnt!

R: Kassle; Distin, Fiddle, Breitner; Lampard, Fizz, Benji; Erk, Cooper, Chopra, Pietro.

D: Drummond; Stewart; Weatherwax, Lynch, Wyrd; Evilharry, Watson, Taggart; Bouznikine, Ponder, Trom.

ESQUIRE (1) 3…..2 (1) TOMMYMARTYN. 43,000. Collins(E) CMed Norm; Crump(E) CMed Sides;

(9-0-9v9-4-1) (svs) Thorp, Wellens(T) CMed Pusey; Back(T) CMed Schlein; Johnston(E) booked.

Stancl, Morton – Quirk, Norm. Tommymartyn were unlucky not to get something from this game!

E: Johnston; Thorp; Collins, Crump; Watson, Finch, Jackson, Stancl; Morton, Pusey, Schlein.

T: McCaw; Back, Hammett, Wellens, Jonah; Bull-Edwards, Maling, Nonu; Norm, Quirk, Sides.

POOCH CITY (1) 4…..3 (2) WINGATE. 40,000. Greatdane(P) CMed Harel; Vizsla(P) missed Deadpool,

(7-0-11v6-0-5) (svf) Deadpool(W) sent off for retaliation; Homer(W) CMed Katie;

Lurcher pen, Vizsla, Sealyham, Toy - Scarlet(W) failed to CM Toy; Turkey(W) CMed Whippet; Harel(W)

Scarlet, Turkey, Mikhoels. inj 2wks sub Nikolai; Spaniel(P) booked. Pooch used a GP.

P: Spaniel; Greatdane, Vizsla; Akita, Basenji, Lurcher, Sealyham; Katie, Toy, Westie, Whippet.

W: Deadpool; Kogan; Homer, Turkey, Scarlet; Bean, Solzhenitsyn, Fine; Mikhoels, Harel, Moya.

COMIC CAPERS (1) 2…..1 (0) DOMINATORS. 30,000. Shaggy(C) CMed Cyril; Cyclops(C) CMed

(6-0-6v6-0-5) (svf) Great; Mudmaid(D) CMed Thelonius; Rocks(D) CMed Moe; Angus

Thelm pen, Penfold – Mudmaid. and Giant(D) booked.

C: Dangermouse; Shaggy, Cyclops; Thelm, Farquaad, Fiona; Winterbottom, Thelonius, Moe, Penfold, Lisa.

D: Savor; Mudmaid, Rocks, Blackcap; Floras, Angus, Robin, Giant; Bannister, Great, Cyril.

PIERROTS (1) 2…..0 (0) PRIORYTOWN SETTLERS. 35,000. Pertwee(P) CMed Westgate;

(11-0-2v9-6-4) (fvs) Lealholme(S) CMed Marsden; Albion(S) CMed Richards; Weardale(S)

Taylor pen, Marsden. booked. Priory were off form

P: Hayes; Newman; Lescott, Pertwee, Taylor; Diaz, Lloyd, Horne, Paninni; Marsden, Richards.

S: Fernie; Rowland, Cobble, Lealholme, Albion; Weardale; Bramham, Fancourt, Cattistock; Slapbladder, Westgate.

FAEROS (0) 0…..0 (0) MONKEYHANGERS. 44,000. Sleer(F) CMed Bonobo; Ilsa(F) CMed Talopoin;

(9-0-4v14-0-4) (fvs) Squirrel(M) CMed Amazon; Hangus(M) CMed Tydings; Kipunji(M)

CMed Xena; Tydings(F) inj/gm sub Ephiny.

F: Hynde; Gaye, Ilsa, Sleer; Mae, Jenkins, Murray, Styrene; Amazon, Tydings, Xena.

M: Barbary; Squirrel, Hangus, Kipunji; Uakari, Siamang, Durakuli; Colobus, Tarsier; Talopoin, Bonobo.

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League Cup Final Report: Phobias are on fire at present but Ringwraiths had saved a GP for their Final flourish! For 45 minutes Ringwraiths matched the opposition shot for shot but a second half substitution gave Phobias a slight edge and they scored without reply to pick up only their second FA Cup!

PHOBIAS (1) 3…..1 (1) RINGWRAITHS. 100,000. Ochlo(P) CMed Blade; Mastigo(P) CMed Gurgeh;

(9-0-9v9-2-9) (svs) Toco, Milamber(R) CMed Bronto; Black(R) CMed Kristallo; Arachno(P)

Bronto, Nelo – Black. replaced Kristallo; Owain(R) booked. Phobias on form, Ringers used a GP.

P: Theo; Geno; Ochlo, Mastigo; Euretho, Claustro, Muro; Anthro, Kristallo, Bronto, Nelo.

R: White; Milamber, Black, Riftwar; Bagend, Culture, Faramir, Arthur; Blade, Gurgeh, Owain.

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Intertoto Cup Final Report: Sysfems gave as good as they got against the bully boys from Hacken Slayers. They got lucky when Sonja was sent off for a second book-able offence and then top Midfielder Bran limped off leaving Hacken in disarray. Sysfems picked up their first Cup in 34 seasons and qualified for Europe as well!

SYSFEMS (1) 4…..1 (0) HACKEN SLAYERS. 50,000. Langley(S) CMed Solomon; Widdowson(S) failed

(4-2-4v7-4-6) (svs) to CM Amra; Kull(H) missed Sinclair and booked; Sonja(H) missed

Langley, Laura, Sinclair 2 – Amra. Gallacher and booked, then sent off; Bran(H) inj 1wk sub Elric;

Widdowson, Vasey, Laura, Carthy(S), Kane and Amra(H) booked.

S: Hogan; Gallacher; Widdowson, Langley; Lewis, Vasey, Laura; Fields, Sinclair, Edwin, Carthy.

H: Belit; Conan; Kull, Sonja; Bran, Mak, Morn, Yezdigerd; Solomon, Amra, Kane.

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League 18 Report: What drama in the last matches of the season. Phobias could not have had a more tougher game than Penarol away to win the title! Both sides were determined to attack and there were no fewer than 9 Strikers on the pitch. Phobias saw chance after chance saved by the Penarol keeper and were unlucky to go in at half time level at 3-3. Both sides made changes and it was Penarol that came out on top to break the hearts of the Phobias’ faithful and deny them a second Championship! Street Athletic had no idea of the drama unfolding and set about a clinical demolition of Teddybears. One-nil would have been enough, as they had the greater number of goals scored in the bank, but 4-0 was the final outcome and the small crowd of just 49,000 waited for the Phobias result to come in. There was much rejoicing and singing and many replays of every game on the screen by the Manager before the fans were allowed to go home. Surely, there hasn’t been a closer title race!? At the bottom Albany were left dangling over the pit of relegation when El Fredos came for a draw that would have seen both sides stay up but left with both points after they bundled in the second of only four chances. Cimmereans could stay up if they avoided defeat against Ringwraiths but the Away Coach was a deciding factor, along with a sickening injury to Flack. Cimms go down but with their heads held high! Enchanters rested their players before next week’s Cup Finals as they go for the double. Trench were ruing a lost point somewhere in the season! In Division 2: With Scourge already up and Spartans and RC Brixworth already down only Harchester and US Allstars had something to play for. Harchester were, surprisingly, off form for the game and Allstars took a 3-1 lead only for the home side to make changes to the line-up. Harchester came back strongly and drew level at 3-3 but Allstars scored the deciding goal to send themselves into rapturous overdrive and Division 1! Spartans were trying to avoid the ignominy of going a whole season without a win and thought they had a chance against already relegated Brixworth. 4-0 down at half time didn’t bow their heads and they came out strongly to At least make the score-line respectable! In Division 3: Pierrots had hoped to build on their previous win and they ticked all the right boxes but Pooch got the breaks and the points! Wingate routed Comic Capers but their destiny was not in their own hands and had to hope other results went for them! Faeros were already crowned Champions but Esquire needed to win to gain promotion. Faeros were not in the mood for charity and matched Esquire’s GP with one of their own! The game was seemingly heading for a draw, or a win for Faeros as they ventured into their opponents half on more occasions, but Esquire somehow found the net and then hung on for nearly 5 minutes of injury time before the referee put them out of their misery so that the promotion party could start in earnest! Monkeyhangers, despite losing today, earned the award for performing above and beyond their abilities week in week out over the season!

ENCHANTERS (2) 3…..7 (3) TRENCH WARFARE. 62,000. Ginger(E) failed to CM Simpson.

(11-0-10v2-0-8)M (svs) Chrissy, Baba 2 - Enchanters were fined 30k for fielding an understrength team as

Bren, Wilkinson 2, Rees, Sheridan 2, Lund. Trench took control of the match and the points!

CIMMEREANS (2) 3…..4 (2) RINGWRAITHS. 44,000. Collins(C) CMed Gurgeh; Sobers(C) CMed

(8-0-7v9-1-4) (svs) Lordan, Rhodes 2 - Blade; Milamber(R) CMed Rhodes; Black(R) CMed Snappy;

Bagend pen, Gurgeh 2, Owain. Flack(C) inj 2wks sub Smith. Cimms used a GP, Ringers on form.

PENAROL (3) 7…..6 (3) PHOBIAS. 60,000. Rusol(Pe) CMed Bronto; Boumsong(Pe) CMed Nelo;

(6-3-2v8-0-10) (svs) Rusol 2, Ochlo(Ph) CMed Verpakovskis; Mastigo(Ph) CMed Milevskiy;

Micoud, Camoranese, Milevskiy, Nedved 2 - Sinclair(Pe) replaced Rusol and CMed Kristallo;

Ochlo, Toco, Claustro, Arachno Nelo 2. Arachno(Ph) replaced Bronto.

STREET ATHLETIC (2) 4…..0 (0) TEDDYBEARS. 49,000. Zanetti(S) CMed Burke; Ramos(S) CMed

(6-0-13v12-3-4) (svf) Flo; Barby(T) CMed Drogba in 1^st half; Mexes(T) CMed Adriano;

Cambiasso, Robinho, Torres, Crespo. Crespo(S) replaced Messi but CMed by Amoruso.

ALBANY WANDERERS (0) 1…..2 (1) EL FREDOS. 35,000. Guy(A) CMed Bombardier; Syrah(E) CMed

(4-3-9v26-0-2) (svs) Newby; Shepherds(E) CMed Sadiq in 1^st half. Albany used a GP but El

Hill – Bombardier 2. Fredos defended resolutely!

SYSFEMS 0) 0…..3 (1) DISCWORLD. 54,000. Langley(S) CMed Ponder; Widdowson(S) CMed

(11-2-6v7-8-3) (svs) Bouznikine; Weatherwax(D) CMed Carthy; Lynch(D) CMed Edwin;

Taggart, Trom, Bouznikine. Evilharry(D) CMed Sinclair; Wyrd(D) CMed Fields; Taggart(D) booked.

RC BRIXWORTH (4) 5…..2 (0) SPARTANS. 36,000. Pietro(R) inj 2wks sub Rooney. 18 games, 18

(7-2-4v10-0-4) (svs) Breitner, defeats, 6 goals scored but 5 of them in the last week, things are

Fiddle, Benji, Pietro, Erk – Imhotep, Phoenix. starting to pick up for Spartans!

THESPIAN UNITED (1) 4…..3 (2) ASCOT ALBION. 43,000. Murphy(A) CMed Muppet; Weekes(A)

(14-0-6v4-5-5) (svs) Cameron, Bosley, CMed Bosley; Hughes(A) CMed Turner. Thespian missed a

Muppet 2 – Hartigan 2, 1 pen, Murphy. penalty in this unbelievable turn around!

BLACK SCOURGE (2) 2…..1 (1) PSV DEVDIV. 46,000. Vapour(B) CMed Jack; Venom(B) CMed Ball

(7-1-9v7-0-6) (svf) until inj 1wk sub Alice who CMed Horne; Barbie(P) CMed Elizium;

Beast, Caniggia – Barbie. Hellraiser(P) Caniggia; Jack(P) booked.

HARCHESTER UNITED (1) 3…..4 (3) US ALLSTARS. 51,000. Fantic(H) CMed Riggins; Malaguti(H)

(8-0-6v8-0-7) (svs) Husaberg, Presley, CMed Jackson; Tuggle(U) CMed Alexander; Green(U) CMed Aprilia;

Alexander – Romo, Allen, Dorsett, Jackson. Barnett(U) CMed Ducati and booked. Harchester off form.

TOMMYMARTYN (1) 1.....0 (0) MONKEYHANGERS. 37,000. Wellens(T) CMed Bonobo; Back(T)

(3-0-12v12-0-5) (svs) CMed Talopoin; Squirrel(M) CMed Norm; Hangus(M) CMed Quirk;

Maling. Kipunji(M) CMed Sides; Bonobo(M) booked. Tommy used a GP.
FAEROS (0) 0.....1 (0) ESQUIRE. 45,000. Sleer(F) CMed Schlein; Ilsa(F) CMed Morton; Collins(E) CMed

(10-1-8v8-0-3) (svs) Amazon; Crump(E) CMed Tydings. Both teams used GP's but Esquire

Morton. got the lucky break to gain promotion!
PIERROTS (1) 2.....3 (1) POOCH CITY. 40,000. Lescott(P) CMed Whippet; Pertwee(P) CMed Katie;

(11-0-8v7-2-5) (svs) Richards, Taylor(P) CMed Toy; Lurcher(C) booked. Pooch were off form

Marsden – Akita pen, Whippet 2. probably sad at losing BNS but they did him proud!
WINGATE (3) 5.....0 (0) COMIC CAPERS. 33,000. Homer(W) CMed Moe; Turkey(W) CMed Thelonius;

(7-0-9v11-1-3) (svs) Shaggy(C) CMed Moya; Winterbottom(C) inj 4wks sub Princess.

Kogan, Eshkol, Moya, Plekhanov. Wingate used a GP but missed out by the narrowest margin!
DOMINATORS (0) 0.....3 (2) PRIORYTOWN SETTLERS. 31,000. Mudmaid(D) CMed Westgate;

(8-0-6v6-0-5) (fvs) Rocks(D) CMed Slapbladder; Cobble(P) CMed Cyril; Lealholme(P)

Lealholme, Slapbladder 2. CMed Bannister; Albion(P) CMed Great until inj/gm sub Wilken;

Floras, Bannister, Cyril(D), Bramham and Slapbladder(P) booked; Cattistock(P) sent off.

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VIEW TABLE:

Suspensions(matches): Giant(Dom) 2, Cyril(Dom) 2, Slapbladder(Pri) 3, Weardale(Pri) 2, Cattistock(Pri) 3, Owain(Rin) 3, Carthy(Sys) 1.

Injuries(weeks): Venom(BLA) 1, Flack(CIM) 2, Winterbottom(COM) 4, Tom(Com) 3, Ainsley(dis) 1, Mah(fae) 1, Scott(PRI) 2, Pietro(RCB) 2, Beckham(RCB) 1, Grewcock(TRE) 3, Trotsky(WIN) 4, Harel(WIN) 2.

Pools: 1: 2; 2: 1; 3: 1; 4: 1; 5: 1; 6: 2; 7: 2; 8: 2; 9: 2; 10: 2.

Street Athletic forecast 9 results correctly and picked up 200k.

Talent Spotted: Asc Df; Esq Mf.

Fine Fund: Now stands at 110k thanks to Enchanters donating 30k for an under-strength team.

Korrection Korner:

Youth Coaching: Enchanters: Charlton was YCed not Charles.

Deals I:

Black Scourge-Phobias: 45k interest payment.

Albany-Tommymartyn: 74k interest repayment.

Spotted Players signed on for 50k: Alb Ted Df; Dis Edgar Mf; Har Fsie Mf; Spa Persephone Fw.

Street Athletic-Albany Wanderers: 1500k, deal complete.
Ascot Albion-Harchester: 105k loan repaid.
Albany Wanderers-Tommymartyn: Ratcliffe(Tommy) for 400k (off the loan)
Enchanters-Dominators: Baz for 150k.
Enchanters-Sysfems: Baldydan for 770k.
Enchanters-Wingate: Adampoo and Peedy for 1285k.

Deals II:

Dominators-Albany Wanderers: 90k for extra Training.
Spartans-Ringwraiths: 150k for extra Training.
Spartans-US Allstars: 220k for extra Youth Coaching.

Press:

Sysfems-All: Shock sale! Sysfems are reluctantly open to offers for their star striker, Edwin. We already have a very attractive offer on the table, so act now to avoid disappointment. Offers accepted via phone/e-mail/gm.

Pooch-Phobias: I’ve tried to keep up this season and will send a print out after the CS. Good luck.

Week 10 Auction Results:

No 1: No one wanted a P16 Sweeper.

No 2: Likewise a P17 Defender was left on the shelf! (10 a penny)

No 3: Black Scourge emerged victorious in their quest for Viktor at a cost of 687k(hi) ahead of El Fredos.

No 4: PSV Devdiv bought Lewthwaite for 710k a little less than Enchanters were prepared to pay!

No 5: A P18 Utility could attract no interest, an ambitious 3rd Division team missed a bargain there!

No 6: Albany bought Magee for 589k(hi) (Enc, Com, Cim, ElF, Pri, Str, RCB)

No 7: Scourge signed Detrovite for 723k(hi) (Enc, Alb, Pri, Str, Dom, Pie, RCB)

No 8: Albany snapped up Joel for 596k(lo) (Bla, Rin, Cim, Str, RCB, Dom)
No 9: Albany took on the Coach for 1251k(hi) (Spa, Pho, Enc, ElF, Dom)

No 10: Albany hired the Trainer for 454k (Pho, Enc, Dom, Str)

Close Season Auction (bidding): Week 1 Auction (scouting)

No 1: Coach RP 50k. No 1: Fw 21 0 RP 10k.

No 2: Coach RP 50k. No 2: Df 21 0 RP 10k.

No 3: Coach RP 50k. No 3: Mf 21 0 RP 10k.

No 4: Coach RP 50k. No 4: Fw 21 0 RP 10k.

No 5: Spotter RP 100k. No 5: Gk 21 0 RP 10k.

No 6: Spotter RP 100k. No 6: Df 25 12 RP 1160k.

No 7: Sponsorship RP 0k. No 7: Mf 25 12 RP 1060k.

No 8: Sponsorship RP 0k. No 8: Fw 25 12 RP 1300k.

No 9: Special Coach RP 100k. No 9: Coach RP 50k.

Nos 10-15: Trainers RP 0k. No 10: Trainer RP 0k.

NB: All clubs, even in debt, may make up to 8 bids in the Close Season Auction (max 2 bids per item). Then, the highest 6 bids received (from different clubs) will secure the services of a Trainer. Only 1 Coach and/or Spotter and/or Sponsorship may be bought so please list preferences as items are not sold in order printed. Any bid may be provisionally withdrawn..

Training:

Div 1: ALB(6+C+5-C): Kelly 4, Atkinson, Chris, Yarnold 4, Brown. CIM(5): Jones 3, Reason, Hyam. ELF(6+C): Waggledance, Cotleigh 4, Barnowl, Hen 2. ENC(7): Botswana 2+max, Shilatot 2, Duke 2. PEN(5): Chygrynskiy, Bamba, Pavlyuchenko 2, 1F. PHO(8): Seleno, Arachno max, Agora max, Stylo 2, Aqua 2, 1F. RIN(5-2): Lupin 2, Mara. STR(5-5): TED(5+2C): McGregor, Harris, Buffell 2, Svensson, 2F. TRE(6): Gear, Geralty, Armitage, Paine 3.

Div 2: ASC(5): Dunbebin 3, 2F. BLA(6): Drac max, Bird, Viktor, Slapbladder, Darkcell 2. DIS(6): Harrison, Young, Hepple max, Edgar 2, Ashurst. HAR(5): Evans 2, 3F. PSV(5): Flynn 2, 3F. RCB(5): Kassle, Hirst, Rooney 2, 1F. SPA(7): Marvel 2, Cable, Elektra, 3F. SYS(6+2): Kemp 4+max, Carthy max, Widowmaker 2. THE(6): Cantona, Wilson 1+max, Taylor 2, 1F. USA(6+C): Fletcher, Brown, Manning, McFadden, Alexander 2, Dorsey 2.

Div 3: COM(6): Marge 4, Cletus, Penfold. DOM(7+C): Tweed, Bradley 3, Sorn 3, Tyler. ESQ(6): Wright, Boxall, Gjedde 4. FAE(6): Ereri 3+max, Ephiny, 1F. MON(6): Squirrel 1g, Saki 3, 2F. PIE(6): Teal 2, Richards max, 3F. POO(6): Henrietta, Collie, Sussex 2, Scotty 2. PRI(6): Kemplah 2, Chaloner, Psychonaut, Whitby, Tac. TOM(6): Meninga 3, Howlett 2, 1F. WIN(7): Chechnya, Peedy 2, Knights 2, Marx, 1F.

Coaching: Peter(Alb), Illidge(Alb), Watkins(Asc), Blakey(Dis), Baz(Dom), Pervy(Enc), Owen(Esq), Evans(Esq), Ilsa(Fae), Bonobo(Mon), Wolfhound(Poo), Bertoni(RCB), Scarlet(Spa), Apocalypse(Spa), Hersh(Sys).

Fixtures Week 11

Close Season Order of Business:

i) Penalty Shoot Out Competition - see Rule 7j.

ii) Paying Bonuses/receiving prize money.

iii) Selling/retiring players - all remaining players age one year.

iv) Hiring Trainers (state type and number required, remembering Divisional limit).

v) Hiring Scouts and/or Physios (only if in credit after player sales).

vi) Taking on/keeping on/sacking apprentices (if hiring please supply names).

vii) Close Season Auction (all clubs may bid but bank balance must be back below Divisional limit by the end of Week 1).

viii) Pay Amplified or Covered Stand maintenance.

ix) Take out Insurance Policy (if deemed necessary)

x) Scouting (please renew any scouting agreements you have).

xi) Send in your nomination and reason for the recipient of Moron of the Year (the Moran Medallion) or suggest a better Award as this one seems to have run its course!

xii) Vote for Manager of the Year.

THE WHO OWES WHAT TO WHOM TABLE:

Albany Wanderers-Enchanters: 1500k. Albany Wanderers-Tommymartyn: 3270k.

Black Scourge-Phobias: 1500k. Trench Warfare-Teddybears: 400k.

Wingate-Black Scourge: 450k.

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AROUND THE GROUNDS 304 with Ms. E Megastar

It is with this issue (and deep regret) that we wave a fond farewell to Bob Nicol Smith. He has, seemingly, been around for ages and leaves Pooch in the capable hands of John Harvey! Bob has a wicked sense of humour and I thought it only right that the assembled Thingians give him a 21 Joke Salute to see him on his way.

Spencer Scott: My mum just got back from New York via Terminal 5 at Heathrow, she said that they still have their Christmas decorations up, there's even mistletoe above the baggage check in desk ... so you can kiss your luggage goodbye !

Jeff Miller: Tortoise mugged by two other tortoises ..............police ask - did you recognise either or both of them, "no .......... to be honest it all happened so fast"

Alastair Nicolson: Paddy and Murphy are in a pub. Paddy says to Murphy: "If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and two rabbits, how many have you got?" Murphy replies: "Seven!" Puzzled, Paddy says: "How d'you work that out??" Murphy says: "Simple. I've already got one at home!!"

Martin Cooksey: Pork pie walks into a pub and asks for a pint of bitter. Barman says, sorry we don't serve food.

Robert Nosworthy: Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "...How's that?" "Don't you start."

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Jon Love: Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson and Bob Nicol Schwarzenegger are discussing a new film with their producer.

Producer – Ok guys, this is a great script all action film about the lives of the great composers.

Bruce / Mel – Sounds great

Producer – Ok which composer do you guys want to play ?

Bruce – I’ll be Beethoven

Mel – I’ll be Mozart

Producer – What about you Mr Nicol Schwarzenegger ?

Bob NS – I’ll be Bach!

Alastair Nicolson: (Jokes all the way from the Ukraine).

"Andriy" said Olena, "there will be three of us soon!"

"I am so thrilled, darling!" her husband replied.

"I knew you would be" she said. "Mother is moving in with us next week!!"

What is paradise? An American salary, an English house, an Ukrainian wife and Chinese food.

What is hell? An Ukrainian salary, a Chinese house, an American wife and English food!

Graham Atkinson: Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

Mike Wall: How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo ? Pantene !

Martin Lane: Where do you find a dog with no legs?  Wherever you left it.

Simon Hewitt: What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same!

Marie Heaton: What was the last thing Hitler said to his army before invading Poland? Hey - go invade Poland.

(I presume this next one is a Liverpool/Everton joke...I have no idea who Tim Cahill is!!)

Merseyside police have confirmed that 2 more local premiership footballers had their house burgled last night. Steven Gerrard lost 50 England caps, a Champions League/EUFA Cup Medal, 2 x FA Cup and 2 x League Cup medals. Tim Cahill lost a kettle and a toaster.

A scouser is speeding through Liverpool with his dog in the passenger seat. copper follows him for half a mile then puts on the siren and pulls him over. as the copper approaches the car he sees the scouser slapping his dog's ead. he tells the driver to roll down his window and asks him why he is hitting his dog.  scouser replies 'the effin dog just ate my tax disc'

Hairless cat gets on the bus and the driver says "hey where's the fare?" 

Horse walks into a bar and barkeep says "hey, why the long face?"

What's brown a sticky? A stick

What's white and wears check trousers? Rupert the Fridge

The love story of Ralph and Edna... 

...Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. 
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' 
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?' 

Colin Ford: If two collars had a race, how would it end? In a tie.

What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard. (It's good for a hot dog.)

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog? Out, out, damned Spot!

I phoned the local Ramblers Club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.

What do a telephone and a dog have in common? They both have collar ID.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down.

Mike Wassall: At University I was going to join the Debating Society but someone talked me out of it…

I used to live in a teapot. I know what you’re thinking….poor you.

I hope these help? Best Wishes

Ms E.

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DEADLINE FOR THING 365:

GM: Colin Ford,

Email:

col.thing@ntlworld.com

Sunday 8^th March 2009.

Waiting List: I wrote to about 7 old Managers and only John

Harvey replied so he will be taking over Pooch City as of now.

Jon Love suggested I register with the PBM Site at

http://www.pbm.com/~lindahl/pbm_list/ and I have had one

inquiry already but it is early days so watch this space!

Useful internet addresses:

http:/homepage.ntlworld.com/michael.parnaby/Index.htm

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/c.ford363/thinghomepage.htm

Let me know if there are any other sites worth turning our browsers to.

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