Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by the US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews."Squawks" are the problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Squawk:  Left inside tyre almost needs replacement.
Reply:   Almost replaced left inside tyre.
 

Squawk:  Test flight OK except autoland very rough.
Reply:   Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
 

Squawk:  No.2 propeller seeping prop fliud.
Reply:   Propeller seepage normal.
Squawk:  No.1,3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
 

Squawk:  The autopilot doesn't.
Reply:   It does now.
 

Squawk:  Something loose in cockpit.
Reply:   Something tightened in cockpit.
 

Squawk:  Evidence of hydraulic leak on main right landing gear.
Reply:   Evidence removed.
 

Squawk:  Number three engine missing.
Reply:   Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 

Squawk:  DME volume unbelievably loud.
Reply:   Volume set to more believable level.
 

Squawk:  Dead bugs on windshield.
Reply:   Live bugs on order.
 

Squawk:  IFF inoperative.
Reply:   IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
 

Squawk:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Reply:   That's what they're there for.