Changes Now That the Baby has Arrived:
 

• Hubby drops to #2 on the list of people drooling at the sight of your breasts.
• Store clerks don't look at you so funny when you buy your regular weekly supply of diapers.
• Finally, someone you can beat at "Got Your Nose," at least for a year or so.
• You develop a liking for minivans, sensible shoes, and a deep-seated contempt for Michael Jackson.
• You're not so tolerant of strangers asking to touch your round little belly anymore now that you're just FAT.
• Goodbye, Happy Hour -- Hello, Happy Meal!
• Can't leave the AK-47s under the couch anymore.
• No longer get arrested for whipping out your breast on the subway.
• The realization that caca comes in a rainbow of lovely colors.
• Well, there goes the pet dingo.
• Cases of Bud Light quickly replaced by cases of Butt Wipes.
• Bundle of joy, my ass. Just another ingrate to buy cigarettes for.
• Junior looks adorable in his little "sandbox", but the cat is seriously torqued about it.
• Mama cuts back to a sixer a day now that she's only "drinkin' fer one."
• For efficiency, your paycheck now direct-deposited to Disney.
• The closest you come to orgasm is when you think of sleep.

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