| 36. |
Never allowed to reveal
garter belt worn under his tux. |
| 35. |
Gigapet keeps going off
at inappropriate times, if you know what I mean. |
| 34. |
License to Kill" unfortunately
does not apply to irritating film critics. |
| 33. |
Never meets women with
regular names like Lisa or Susan. |
| 32. |
Q's new rectal thermometer
tracking device and "flame-thrower zipper" make for some very awkward moments. |
| 31. |
Oh sure, License to Kill,
but what about torture? Nooooooo. |
| 30. |
Oddjob's hat can cut through
solid steel, but the Ginsu knives he ordered just plain suck. |
| 29. |
Company car: Babe magnet
BMW with rockets and ejection seat. Personal car: Cop magnet Geo Metro
with broken tail light and noisy air conditioner. |
| 28. |
Annual prostate exams by
"Goldfinger." |
| 27. |
Due to the conversion to
Euro-currency, Octopussy has been devalued to Septopussy. |
| 26. |
Two minutes alone with
the old guy and you'll know why they call him "Q". |
| 25. |
Accidentally decapitating
gorgeous double agents with a laser while removing his Rolex. |
| 24. |
Diabolical villains who
just empty the revolver into his head instead of showing him the whole
operation first. |
| 23. |
Colostomy bag not really
bullet proof. |
| 22. |
His ultra high-speed computer-activated
cruise missile wrist watch runs on Windows CE. |
| 21. |
Richard Simmons keeps sending
"For Your Eyes Only" exercise videos. |
| 20. |
New watch holds only twelve
rounds in a clip. |
| 19. |
Annual 5-hour wait in line
at Her Majesty's DMV to renew license To kill. |
| 18. |
Can't seem to stop giggling
when he says "Octopussy." |
| 17. |
The pen that squirts K-Y
Jelly always malfunctions at the wrong time. |
| 16. |
Women who don't conveniently
die after he's made love to them. |
| 15. |
That damn CondomPhone rings
at the most inappropriate moments. |
| 14. |
Passed over on promotion
to 006 for thirty years in a row. |
| 13. |
"License to Kill" no longer
impresses residents of Louisiana. |
| 12. |
New Bond girl "Intelligence
Personified" just doesn't have the cachet of "Pussy Galore." |
| 11. |
Tomorrow Never Dies, and
neither does this blasted cold sore. |
| 10. |
Despite being knighted
by the Queen, still can't get a date with Baby Spice. |
| 9. |
Getting harder and harder
to use his nuclear-powered-heat-seeking-homing-device-in-a-cigarette in
California. |
| 7. |
Q's latest gadget only
locates your car keys. |
| 6. |
Just when you think you've
finally found the right girl to settle down with, she tries to jam a pen
into your throat. |
| 5. |
Morons at Jiffy Lube always
pouring windshield washer fluid in the Napalm tank. |
| 4. |
New Bond girl, RuPaul,
always kicking his ass at arm wrestling. |
| 3. |
Post-Cold War villains?
The evil Dr. Hemorrhoid and the Tucks Twins. |
| 2. |
Wet spot in bed usually
contains bullet hole. |
| and
the Number 1 Pet Peeve of James Bond... |
| 1. |
Picture on "License to
Kill" looks terrible. |