| 16. |
During Sunday sermon, they
hold a palm up to the pastor and say, "Talk to the hand!" |
| 15. |
Every night at the dinner
table, it's the same routine: "Eat your vegetables," and the chairs go
flying. |
| 14. |
You've had to replace the
babysitter with three burly stagehands. |
| 13. |
Dinner topic: "Teenage
boys who hide Playboys under their mattresses." |
| 12. |
Junior's new mastery of
the headlock has made him the star of his school debate team. |
| 11. |
Have evolved from playing
"Doctor" to "Plastic Surgeon specializing in Male Enlargement." |
| 10. |
They want to know why they
only live in a house instead of a mobile home |
| 9. |
At the dinner table, little
Billy announces a surprise guest: your secretary/mistress. |
| 8. |
Your Elvis shrine ain't
been Endusted in two weeks. |
| 7. |
Her tendency to hop up
on tables, tear her shirt open and dance suggestively has gotten you banned
from more than one Burger King. |
| 6. |
Your youngest has stopped
calling you "Mommy" in favor of "Crack-ho." |
| 5. |
Math: C- History: D+ English:
F Interviewing Transvestite Hookers: A+ |
| 4. |
Last year, when you told
him to clean his room, you merely got a sullen look. This year you get
a dining room chair over your head. |
| 3. |
Your son asks if anyone
makes a DNA paternity test kit for Cabbage Patch Kids. |
| 2. |
During that "little talk"
with Junior, you're forced to admit that you don't know if hermaphrodites
are "birds" or "bees." |
| and
Top5's Number 1 Sign Your Kids Have Been Watching Too Much Jerry Springer... |
| 1. |
Poor Ken just found out
he hasn't been dating Barbie, but GI Joe in drag. |