A couple of jungle explorers were taken captive
by cannibals. Messages on the drums were banged out and by
the time they were hustled back to the cannibals village the
cooking pots were already on the go.
One of the tribe fortunately kneEnglishw a little . Just like in
the Tarzan films there's always one. He was able to communicate
with his prospective dinner. He named one of the victims
'Maincourse' and the other one 'Afters'. He fancied that 'Afters'
had a slightly sweeter disposition than 'Maincourse'.
"You allowed last request" he told the meal in his best Tarzan
film accent. It seemed that even remote tribes of cannibals had
heard of this noble tradition. 'Maincourse' asked resignedly for a
cigarette and a tot of the local brew. Having enjoyed these the
poor fellow fulfilled his destiny watched apprehensively by
A few hours passed and, having digested 'Maincourse', the
tribes' hungry eyes turned towards 'Afters'.
"What you want as last request?" the tribesman asked.
"I'll have a portion of peas please" replied 'Afters' hoping
that his politeness and poetry might impress the man.
"A portion of peas?" questioned the cannibal "That's a bit
unusual I must say". The request had surprised him and, very
conveniently for this story, seemed to improve his grasp of the
English language no end.
"Ah yes, I have peas with everything" replied 'Afters'. "Peas
and sausages, peas and potatoes, peas, sausage and potatoes, peas
and jam, peas and peas. I just love peas with treacle, Marmite,
"All right All right!" cried the cannibal cutting him off
abruptly "You can go".
"I can go.....really?"
"Yes, push off"
Feeling hugely relieved 'Afters' started to leave but before he
went he just had to ask, "Something wrong with me is there?" "Why
don't you want to eat me?"
"Health reasons" stated the cannibal "We've got lots of pregnant
women and nursing mothers round here and it's not good for them to
eat pea nuts".
(Written when the news was raisin' peanut
concerns for expectant and new mothers)