L&M's Photo - Graphics & Crafts Website

photo restoration - cross stitch - glass painting - humor - funny articles - computer graphics

Useful tip: Take a pair of oars with you into the water until roughly waist deep. This makes people think your boat has sunk. smile

disabled - disability - repair damaged photograph - craftwork - crafts - coloring photographs

Cross stitch & Crafts

bullet Cross stitch examples-1

bullet Cross stitch examples-2

bullet Cross stitch/other crafts

bullet Glass painting

bullet Crafts on display-1

bullet Crafts on display-2

Photo & Graphics

bullet Restored photos-1

bullet Restored photos-2

bullet Old soldier photos

bullet How to colour photos

bullet How to repair photos

bullet Optimising images

bullet Computer pictures-1

bullet Computer pictures-2

bullet Computer pictures-3

bullet Computer pictures-4

bullet Computer pictures-5


bullet Budgie

bullet Cannibal

bullet Cheque card

bullet Hints - Hoaxes

bullet Ifology

bullet More humour

bullet Even more humour

bullet Sunnyspecs

bullet Tents

bullet The Tower


bullet Career to craftwork

bullet Carers Lot

bullet Computer addict


bullet TV trade 1960 - 80

bullet Dog tales

bullet The apprentice

Mountain Biking

bullet Visit the 'Over the Hill Off-Road Cycling.Club' website.

Holidays - Travel

bullet Bahrain

bullet Germany

bullet Hawaii

bullet Jersey

bullet Spain

Other sites

for sites covering:-

The Royal Air Force - Gliding - Disability - Greyhounds - Online quizzes - Web site design...

Click here


cooking pot man A couple of jungle explorers were taken captive by cannibals. Messages on the drums were banged out and by the time they were hustled back to the cannibals village the cooking pots were already on the go.

One of the tribe fortunately kneEnglishw a little . Just like in the Tarzan films there's always one. He was able to communicate with his prospective dinner. He named one of the victims 'Maincourse' and the other one 'Afters'. He fancied that 'Afters' had a slightly sweeter disposition than 'Maincourse'.

"You allowed last request" he told the meal in his best Tarzan film accent. It seemed that even remote tribes of cannibals had heard of this noble tradition. 'Maincourse' asked resignedly for a cigarette and a tot of the local brew. Having enjoyed these the poor fellow fulfilled his destiny watched apprehensively by 'Afters'.

A few hours passed and, having digested 'Maincourse', the tribes' hungry eyes turned towards 'Afters'.

"What you want as last request?" the tribesman asked.

"I'll have a portion of peas please" replied 'Afters' hoping that his politeness and poetry might impress the man.

"A portion of peas?" questioned the cannibal "That's a bit unusual I must say". The request had surprised him and, very conveniently for this story, seemed to improve his grasp of the English language no end.

"Ah yes, I have peas with everything" replied 'Afters'. "Peas and sausages, peas and potatoes, peas, sausage and potatoes, peas and jam, peas and peas. I just love peas with treacle, Marmite, curry....."

"All right All right!" cried the cannibal cutting him off abruptly "You can go".

"I can go.....really?"

"Yes, push off"

Feeling hugely relieved 'Afters' started to leave but before he went he just had to ask, "Something wrong with me is there?" "Why don't you want to eat me?"

"Health reasons" stated the cannibal "We've got lots of pregnant women and nursing mothers round here and it's not good for them to eat pea nuts".

(Written when the news was raisin' peanut concerns for expectant and new mothers)

Contact L&M

Home page

Top of Page Next page in category