Here are some ,If you would like to contribute or comment on them then e-mail me.

E-mail Bob Please make it clean and decent

the latest section will be the first shown from here

Section 5

Section 4

Section 3

Rest assured there is always somebody worse off than you. take my mate John the undertaker. Came round last week utterly exhausted. Said he had come from a burial and it had taken him two days just to lay the bloke out. "He was the world Hokey-Cokey champion., you see. Every time I tried to put the left leg in.....".

Section 2

• Why don't penguins in the Antarctic ever get frostbite?
• If a duck only had one leg would it swim in a circle?
• Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
• Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
• When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves? (Contributed on 7/3/98 by oalami )
• How does a penguin scratch it's nose? (Contributed on 2/5/98 by Alex Petty )
• Has anyone else noticed that when a new paper towel ad appears, the older paper towel is suddenly less absorbent than when it was new?
• Nissan says their cars are Built For The Human Race. Just who else would they build them for?
• Just how is it possible to get clothes Whiter Than White?
• Why are there so many ads for the Yellow Pages in the Yellow Pages?
• How come washing powders were 'Whiter than white' 30 years ago, and have been improving ever since?
• Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
• Why do they say "New and Improved"? How can it be new if it was improved?
• Why do some advertisements tell us not to attempt it at home? If we can't do it, then why bother showing us in the first place?
• What happened to the first 6 "UP"s?
• Why did they call it Coca-Cola when it contains neither coca nor cola? (Contributed on 28/5/97 by D. Cashman )
• Why do commercials for clothing have kids in them who are perfectly clean? Don't they know that no kid alive EVER stays clean for more than ten seconds? (Contributed on 20/12/97 by Shadowstalker )
• If Snickers really satisfies, then why do they make a King-size bar? (Contributed on 13/1/98 by ZBQ )
• On TV, the commercial says that 8 out of 10 people suffer from Hemorrhoids. Does this mean the other 2 people enjoy them? (Contributed on 23/1/98 by Ted )
• If nothing does it like 7-UP, wouldn't it be cheaper to just drink nothing? (Contributed on 8/2/98 by Jim Adams )
• If you kicked the Energizer Bunny, would you be charged with assaulting the battery? (Contributed on 8/2/98 by W.J. Newhart )
• Why would you want to buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? (Contributed on 11/3/98 by Meghan )
• Why does AT&T advertise 'Reach Out and Touch Someone', when that's the one thing you can't do with a phone? (Contributed on 6/4/98 by Dave Tippett )
• The Pillsbury dough boy turns 30 this year. Do we give him a cake for his birthday? Isn't that cannibalism? (Contributed on 11/5/98 by Juneisy )

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Section 1

• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
• why is the word abbreviation so long?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
• If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
• Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
• How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
• When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
• Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
• Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
• How is it that super glue doesn't get stuck to the inside of it's container?
• How do they stick the non-stick surface to frying pans?
• If you ask for a skinhead at the barbers, why does he leave some hair on your head?
• Is a woolly jumper someone who jumps over sheep?
• Are plastic lemonade bottles called "Pop bottles" because they always seem to go' POP' when half empty late at night?
• Why is grass always green and grow up even when you turn it upside down?
• Why do people buy coffee cups and then put tea in them?
• Why do wives say "I'm sick of doing all this washing" when it's actually the washing machine that does it?
• Why is it blue sky when you look up and yet from space it's black?
• Have you heard about the magic tractor ? Well it went down the road and it turned into a field!
• Why did the packet of crisps complain to the police? he was assaulted!   

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