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TO A SYMPTOM OF THE AGE
Composed on 8th October 1956 -
on Marilyn Monroe's marriage to
Arthur Miller 4 months earlier.
She had previously divorced her
second husband, Joe DiMaggio,
the baseball player.
Mrs Miller has a husband
And she's justly proud of him,
For he is a worthy playwright
And is not the least bit dim.
Baseball players are quite all right, but
Really they are frightful bores.
They can hardly tell a wiggle
From a page of football scores.
Third-try husbands are much better,
Older maybe and more bald,
But it really doesn't matter
When one hears "Author!" called,
Playwright husbands come in handy
When one wants to show one's bust -
Turn up at his pressmen's parties
And his first nights are a must.
Then if you can get another
Well-known husband to appear
With his wife and you, then he might
Really take to the idea
Of starting up a famous married
Couple's philanthropic fund
For helping first and second husbands
To retire still fecund.
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TELL-TALE TIT
They did it, sir, I saw them,
They pestered and annoyed her,
They spread your desk with powder,
They turned the sound up louder,
Oh, please sir, say you'll whack 'em.
She did it, miss! I saw her!
She spread the floor with water.
She splashed the paint on Susan Porter
She cut the model dog in quarter
I'm awfully glad you've caught 'er.
He did it, sir! I saw him!
He fed the goldfish sawdust
He made the hamster raucous
He giggled when you caught us
And then he said he saw US.
Why don't you, sir? Why don't you?
Why not hit him with your ruler?
Why can't you be a little cruel-er?
Why are you acting cooler?
You frightened that he'll sue you?
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A WORD TO THE WISE
An epistemological conceit
Nesciencelessness …
Is a fascinating word,
But, its meaninglessness
Makes it absurd
Nesciencelessness …
Should mean being wise,
But astutenesslessness
I would advise.
'Nesciencelessness' …
Can be tried on a friend,
But recklesslessness
Will win in the end.
Nesciencelessness …
Is hard to pronounce,
But its endlessnessness
Makes it worth every ounce.
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Li Po (705-762) - Taoist poet of the Tang Dynasty.
One of Li Bo's favourite subjects was drinking.
'Gwoyeu' is a particular version of Romanised script
used to render Chinese words into a Western alphabet.
Gwoyeu attempts to represent, by different spellings,
the different tonal pronunciations of words which would otherwise sound the same.
'Tzao' would normally mean
'Good morning!' whilst 'tsaw', which would sound the
same
but with a different tonal inflection, has an
altogether cruder meaning.
In Mandarin, the Chinese national language, 'hao'
means 'good'
Secret Garden of Li Po |
FOUR CHINESE LIMERICKS
Sinological sages have said
That, whereas Li Po died in his bed,
It was not from neuritis,
Or cramp got by writers,
But from mead that had gone to his head.
There once was a red in Beijing
Whose 'Gwoyeu' was remarkably thin.
When he tried to mouth "Tzao",
An invariable "Tsaw",
Earned him aids for less venial sin.
There once was a Chairman called Mao
Whose historical sense was not 'hao'
His Little Red Book
Said the world had not shook
Since Confucius invented the dhow.
There once was a man from Fuchow
Who was asked to fillet a cow
When he reached for the knife
The cow ran for its life
So he had to make do with a sow
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