Barnicle's Wit and Wisdom

• Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow, because :-

1. It may not be needed to be done tomorrow either.
2. Someone else may do it instead.
3. Someone may come and ask you to undo it.
4. It may not be needed to be done at all.
5. There may not BE a tomorrow.

• A few Welsh jokes (In the olden days in Wales so many people were called David, or Di for short, that their job title was added to their name. for example David the Baker was called Di-Bread. Here are a few hurmous versions.)

1. What do you call a Welsh poem ?... A Di-ode.
2. What do you call a Welsh electrican ?... Di-electric
3. What do you call a Welsh Non-bellever ?... Di-agnostic.
4. Whats along a Welsh road side?... Di-verge.
5. What do you call a Welsh under-garment ?... Di-vest.
6. Name a Welsh unit of mass ... Di-a-gram.
7. Name a Welsh unit of length .. Di-a-meter.
8. A Welsh fuel for a fire ? ... Di-a-log.
9. A Welsh man in the French Foreign Legion ... Di-Gest
10. A Welsh Biscuit (in the French Foreign Legion) ... Di-gestive.
11. Just dont ask be what a Di-a-bolical is or does.

I'm sure there are a lot more.

• A few of my favriote Light Bulb jokes.
  
  1. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb .. Only one, but the bulb must really want to change!
  2. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb ... Two, but I can't think how they got in there!
     
• I Used to be ...
  
  1. I used to be Paranoid but now I know everybody's against me!
  2. I used to be Schizophrenic but now I'm in two minds about it.
     

• The number of people on planet earth. (This is my version of Douglas Adams' Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy's calculation.)

The number in inhabited planets in the universe = Infinity.
The total number of people on all these plantes = Infinity.
The Average number on each planet must be equal to the total number of people divided by the total number of plantes and as we all know any number divided by itself is one (1).

Therefore there is only ONE person on earth ..ME.. all the rest of you MUST BE a figment of my imagination.

• Notice found in a Mens Room :-

We aim to please.... You aim TOO please.

• Some of my favorite Images for Windoze Backrounds. Point to image and use 'Set As Wallpaper ... '

1024 x 768	1024 x 768	800 x 600

• Some Snaps

This is me....	....and My Family	...round the pub with a few mates

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page last updated 25 July 2001