Spam Spam, Wonderful Spam
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RATING: PG-13
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PAIRINGS: None
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CONTENT WARNINGS:
References to male appendages and that most offensive of items – email
spam
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SPOILERS: None
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay –
I got the piece of spam in question and I reacted like Daniel. I thank
Monty Python for the title of this story. It’s not beta’d – I couldn’t
subject Ali to this, but I just had to use this email for something…
Sorry.
Jack picked up his phone. “What?” he snapped.
“O’Neill,” Teal’c intoned on the other end of the
line. “I require your immediate assistance.”
“What’s up T?”
“I do not wish to divulge the problem over the phone.
I would rather show you in person.”
Jack sighed. “Okay. Gimme five…”
Fifteen minutes later, he found Teal’c in his
quarters. The big
“Okay Teal’c – what’s up?”
Teal’c turned to look at the Colonel. “O’Neill, I must
show you an email that I received this morning. It would appear to have been
sent from a General Hardon, although I do not understand why he would consider
me to be a valid recipient.”
Jack looked at the screen and saw the mail in
question. His lips twitched. “I can see why you might be confused Teal’c,” he
said, struggling to keep a straight face. “It’s not as if you’ve got – much of
a problem in that area.”
Teal’c looked at Jack, one eyebrow raised. “But would
taking the action suggested in this email not be an extremely painful thing to
do?”
Jack’s face contorted in his attempts not to laugh.
“It would, T.” He bit hard on his lip and frowned as he tried to get his face
under control. “I think Daniel would be interested in seeing this.”
“You do?” Teal’c looked surprised. “Why would Daniel
Jackson have need of such a product O’Neill? I cannot believe that he would want
to take such a course of action any more than you or I.”
“Oh, I don’t think he does need this. I just think he
should see the message.” Jack leant over and forwarded the message to Daniel.
In Daniel’s office, Sam and Daniel were studying an
artefact when his computer suddenly squawked “Oh fer cryin’ out loud!” in
Jack’s dulcet tones.
“Daniel, what’s that?” laughed Sam.
“It’s my mail alert,” Daniel admitted sheepishly.
“Given that ninety percent of the mail I get is from Jack, I thought that was
appropriate.”
“Nice one Daniel,” grinned Sam.
“I’ll bet this is from him, some stupid bit of spam
that he thinks is incredibly funny,” grumbled Daniel as he went to check his
mail.
Daniel’s snort stopped Sam’s study of the artefact.
She stared at the archaeologist in amazement. Daniel was actually laughing. It
started off as a chuckle but quickly developed into helpless giggling with
tears running down his face.
“What?” asked Sam in amazement. Daniel laughing at all
was such a rare occurrence that his current state of helplessness was
positively noteworthy.
Daniel couldn’t reply for laughing. Instead he
gestured vaguely at the screen. “Sorry… just struck me as funny… just stupid
really…” He collapsed in another fit of the giggles.
Sam looked at the screen. There sat in Daniel’s inbox
was the offending piece of spam, forwarded on by Teal’c. She read the subject
line and smirked, then started to laugh too. “You’ve got to admit, that’s one
hell of a marketing strategy,” she laughed.
“Not to mention a whole new martial art,” Daniel
giggled.
“If a little painful!” replied Sam.
“Hey kids!” Jack and Teal’c wandered into the room.
“See you got the email then,” said Jack.
“Is this how we’re going to defeat the Goa’uld then?”
giggled Daniel.
“Drop trousers, take aim, and fire!” chortled Sam.
“Brings a whole new meaning to the term staff weapon,”
added Daniel.
“Knew you’d like it,” grinned Jack.
Teal’c just stared at the three of them, one eyebrow
raised. “So you do not find this to be offensive?” he asked.
“Oh no, this is just so funny,” Daniel laughed.
“Evidently,” replied Teal’c, who was struggling to
remember if he had ever seen Daniel Jackson in such a state of merriment.
“Can you send it to me, Daniel?” asked Jack. “This has
got to be passed on.”
“Oh, me too,” grinned Sam.
Teal’c took one more confused look at his team mates happily
creating a circulation list for the piece of spam mail in question and then
left the room, head cocked like a confused puppy.
By the end of the day, half the SGC had seen the
message, and Ferretti was muttering about starting up a new martial arts class
for something he was calling Wang-Dong-Do.
And the cause of all this?
An email entitled “Break down walls with your enormous penis”.
*fin*
Love it? Hateit? Let me know either way.