Handle with care

• RATING:               PG                          
• CATEGORY:         Humour, Traffic Jam Fic – you have been warned!
• CONTENT WARNINGS:  Mystery object whumping!
• SPOILERS:            None at all.
• AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Okay – I got stuck in another traffic jam, and you know what happens then… Not beta’d so the faults are mine and mine alone. It’s also an attempt at a purely conversational fic. I hope it’s clear who’s who.

 

  

 

“It’s a bit small isn’t it?”

 

“Don’t be so rude Jack.”

 

“Well, does it work properly? I can barely see it in your hand Daniel.”

 

“It’s compact.”

 

“What’s the point in compact if you can’t find it in your pocket?”

 

“I think it looks sophisticated.”

 

“Sophisticated? How can you even see it to use it?”

 

“Look Jack, quit belly-aching about it. It’s small, I agree, but it’s more than adequate for the job.”

 

“So you say.”

 

“Look, I’m not asking you to use it, it’s mine and I like it just the size it is.”

 

“Whatever you say Daniel.  Can I hold it?”

 

“No.”

 

“I might change my mind and agree with you.”

 

“No. You’ll only break it.”

 

“Go on Danny, just little while. You know you don’t mind really.”

 

“Well… alright then, but be careful with it.”

 

“Hmmm. It does feel quite nice when you hold it. It’s heavier than the small ones usually are. Oops.”

 

“What do you mean ‘oops’?”

 

“Is that supposed to happen when you push that bit there?”

 

“What have you done Jack?”

 

“It’s okay. It’s just a bit floppy…”

 

“Floppy? Floppy? Jack, nothing’s supposed to be floppy! Let me see it!”

 

“Er… I think maybe Carter should look at it first.”

 

“What have you done?”

 

“Nothing. Well, nothing that a little tape wouldn’t fix.”

 

“Tape! I knew I shouldn’t have let you anywhere near it.”

 

“Sir. Daniel. What’s going on?”

 

“Ah, Carter. Just the person.”

 

“I’m so gonna kill you Jack.”

 

“What’s up Daniel?”

 

“I’m about to commit Jackicide.”

 

“Jackicide? Daniel, oh linguist mine, that isn’t a real word.”

 

“It may not be a currently documented word but it soon will be.”

 

“Carter, ignore Daniel. What do you think of this?”

 

“’This’ sir?”

 

“This.”

 

“Oh. That. It’s very small. Whose is it?”

 

“Daniel’s.”

 

“Really? It’s very neat, but I’d have thought you’d have something a little larger Daniel.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with the size! It’s fine! Sam, tell me if it’s broken. I can’t look.”

 

“We-ell it is a little… floppier than maybe it should be. What did you do to it?”

 

“Nothing. Jack did something to it.”

 

“What did you do to it sir?”

 

“I think I bent it back further than it’s supposed to go – accidentally! And now it’s – floppy. Do you think you can fix it?”

 

“Maybe. Then again…”

 

“What does ‘then again’ mean Sam?”

 

“Trying to fix it might make it worse. You might be best letting the professionals deal with this one.”

 

“What has he done? Let me see… Oh my God Jack, you’ve practically snapped it in half! This is going to cost you so much! Believe me you are paying for any repairs, and if they can’t fix it, you are buying me a new one.”

 

“Okay. I’m sorry Daniel. I just wanted to see how something that small feels in the hand.”

 

“It used to feel fine until I let you get your hands on it.”

 

“If I have to buy you a new one, it’s gonna be bigger than that, Danny boy.”

 

“That’s the last time I ever let you near anything of mine Jack.”

 

“Had you had it long Daniel?”

 

“I only got it yesterday Sam. Less than 24 hours and Jack goes and breaks it.”

 

“The Colonel did the same thing to mine last week.”

 

“You’re kidding? If I’d have known that I really wouldn’t have let him anywhere near it!”

 

“Daniel, I’m sorry. I’m gonna pay to get it fixed.”

 

“Oh yes Jack, you’re gonna pay. Cell-phone murderer.”

 

 Love it? Hated it?

Let me know either way.

 

Athene