Danny's Disasters

 

 

 

 

 

 

Major General George Hammond sat behind his desk waiting for his Chief Medical Officer to arrive for their meeting. Each month the two of them went through the infirmary reports. He sipped his coffee and leafed through the minutes and notes he had from the previous month’s effort. A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.

 

“Good morning Sir,” said Doctor Janet Fraiser as she walked into the room.

 

“Doctor, have a seat.” Hammond stood and closed the door to his office as Janet placed the two files she was carrying onto the desk. One blue, one red. “Coffee?” She nodded. He poured her a cup from the jug on the side table and placed it on the desk.

 

They were ready to begin. Together, they worked through the reports in the blue file. They discussed the procedures used, whether anything was learned, whether additional training or equipment was required as a result of the events that had occurred. This took them about an hour. They finished their discussions and Janet replaced all the reports back into the blue file.

 

“Okay, Doctor. Do you want to go straight on to this file, or do you want another coffee first?” Hammond smiled at the diminutive doctor as he indicated the red file.

 

“Coffee first please Sir,” sighed Janet, placing all the papers neatly in the blue file, and drawing the other one toward her. “It’s a big one this month, so…I thought we might need these as well!” She reached into the pocket of her lab coat and produced two chocolate bars.

 

Hammond turned round from refilling the cups, saw the chocolate and raised one eyebrow.

“That bad, Doctor?”

 

“That bad, Sir.” She took the cup from the General, then the two of them unwrapped their chocolate bars and looked at the task ahead of them with some trepidation. Janet sighed, and flipped open the flap of the card folder. A sizeable stack of papers was revealed.

 

“Good Grief Doctor! How many this month?”

 

“Twenty-seven Sir, that’s almost one a day.”

 

“That’s got to be some kind of record, hasn’t it?”

 

“Not quite. February 1999 we had forty, which considering the length of the month is quite a feat. But this does come close, Sir.” Janet pursed her lips. “Ready Sir?”

 

“Let’s get started Doctor.” 

 

She pulled the file towards her and took out the first report. “Okay, first of the month, Daniel came in with a splinter that had gone septic. Treatment - antiseptic and zinc oxide to draw out the splinter.”

 

“Where did Doctor Jackson get the splinter?”

 

“The weekend before – helping Major Carter prune a tree in her backyard.”

 

“Okay. Next.”

 

“Same day, he had a fairly severe nosebleed that afternoon.”

 

“How did that happen?”

 

“We’d changed his nasal spray and the new one was a bit too harsh for him. We’ve gone back to the old one now, but on a stronger formulation.”

 

Eating his chocolate, Hammond nodded in response, and indicated that Janet should continue.

 

“On the second, Daniel came in with a bump on the head. Nothing serious – ice pack to bring down the swelling and pain relief. He’d collided with the door when Teal’c opened it. Quote, ‘I forgot it opened that way’…” Janet glanced up at her CO. He was having trouble keeping a straight face. Janet avoided meeting his eye and carried on with her report before she lost control herself. “Third of the month, that was the day he came back from PX5-911 with a sprained wrist. The next three are all as a direct result of having his hand in a sling. On the fourth he scalded his hand on hot coffee attempting to open a door while balancing the coffee on his injured wrist. On the fifth he tripped up and bruised his elbow as he fell. He couldn’t stop himself from falling as he had books in his good hand, apparently.” Janet fought to stop herself from laughing. Daniel had tried to avoid going to the infirmary for that one but Jack had witnessed the incident and forced the grumbling archaeologist to go.

 

Hammond’s attempts to avoid laughing were not as successful.

“Go on Doctor, what was the third one?”

 

“He got his sling caught on the door handle to his office, and as he tried to disentangle himself, Major Carter opened the door. She didn’t hit him with the door, but in trying to get out of the way, Daniel collided with the shelves behind the door and a particularly heavy fertility symbol fell on his head. Not strictly Daniel’s fault, but…” Hammond’s guffaw ruined Janet’s attempts at self-control, and she too started to laugh.

 

“Sorry Doctor,” Hammond brought himself back under control. “It was the image that tale conjured up. Was it the statue of the man with the…?” he gestured with one finger.

 

“…Incredibly large…? I’m afraid so, Sir. It’s quite heavy. I kept Doctor Jackson in overnight for observation, and then released him, minus one sling. I decided it was doing more harm than good…” Janet felt the giggles rising again, and took a few deep breaths before continuing. “We then move on to the eighth. Daniel managed to slice the tips of two of his fingers open while attempting to remove the staples from a package he’d been sent.”

 

“Don’t we provide those staple remover gripper things, Doctor?”

 

“We do Sir, Daniel just got excited about the package and couldn’t be bothered to find his…” As Hammond shook his head in slight disbelief, Janet grabbed the next report off the top of the pile. “Ah. The trip to PY7-422.”

 

“Ah, that one. The… what did Teal’c call the bush?”

 

Janet consulted the report in front of her.

“The Frel’nik bush. As you know Sir, Daniel overbalanced backwards into the bush and wound up requiring assistance removing…” she consulted the report again “…624 one-inch thorns from his lower back, thighs and buttocks. It took me and my nursing staff over two hours to remove all the thorns, during which time Doctor Jackson was extremely uncooperative.”

 

 “I gather that it was an extremely painful experience.” Hammond’s eyes were twinkling. He’d heard from Jack that despite the complaints about having to do this, rumour had it that Janet and her nursing staff had quite enjoyed the view.

 

“Well, each thorn did have a little barbed hook on the end, so I imagine it would be painful, yes.” Janet pursed her lips, knowing full well why Hammond was giving her that look, and no, the rumours weren’t true, well, the swearing did detract from the view somewhat. “We did try to administer a local anaesthetic, but there wasn’t really anywhere available to inject it, so we used the spray version, but that isn’t as effective. Actually the resultant bruising was quite spectacular.” She sighed and grabbed the next report.

“Okay, mild electric shock in the infirmary as a result of trying to drink coffee lying on his stomach, on account of the state of his…behind, and spilling it into the call button. Having spilt the drink, he tried to call for help to clean it up, and…” she shrugged.

 

Hammond shook his head in disbelief.

“Even by Doctor Jackson’s standards that’s…unbelievable!”

 

“I do wonder, Sir, how someone so intelligent can get themselves into these stupid accidents so often.”

 

“Don’t you think, Doctor, that the most incredible thing about all this is that despite his tendency to clumsiness, I’ve never seen him break an artefact?”

 

“The statue with the incredibly large… did have its incredibly large…” Janet gestured with her hand, “…broken off when it contacted with Daniel’s head.” Janet shook her head. “I have no idea how he does it, Sir. Any way, are you ready to carry on?”

 

“Yes, go ahead Doctor.”

 

“Before I discharged Daniel from the infirmary, he managed to have two more incidents. He stubbed his toes against the bed. He actually broke one of his smaller toes, so had it neighbour strapped. He also fell out of bed and bruised his coccyx landing on the base of a drip stand. That one’ll hurt for years to come.”

 

“I did that myself, once, Doctor, and yes, it did hurt long after I could remember how I did it.” Hammond shook his head at the memory. He stood and got the coffee pot. Refilling both his and Janet’s cups, he realised that they were only halfway through the month. “I think this calls for a little something extra, don’t you, Doctor?” He reached into his desk drawer and produced a half-bottle of whiskey. Pouring a generous slug into his coffee, he offered it to Janet. She did likewise, although the amount she poured into her cup was somewhat smaller than that of the General’s.

 

Swallowing a large mouthful of the liquid, Janet turned to the next sheet in the folder.

“Aah. We’re now up to the locker room incidents.”

 

“Ah.” Hammond shook his head, remembering the series of incidents that Janet was referring to. “How can two grown men behave in such a juvenile fashion? I find it hard to believe sometimes that they go out there into the Universe as representatives of Earth – the best and brightest that this planet has to offer.” He shook his head again, a wry smile on his face. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

 

“Okay. One hour after being discharged from the infirmary, Daniel came back to us with a cut to the bridge of his nose. Apparently, on encountering Colonel O’Neill in the locker room, the Colonel asked to see how,” Janet read the report to get the quote right, “and I quote here Sir, ‘colourful those bruises on your scrawny little ass are’. While attempting to evade this inspection, Daniel’s glasses got broken, and he cut his nose on the broken frame.”

 

“What on Earth were they doing, Doctor?”

 

“Turns out Teal’c was waiting out of sight with a camera. Major Carter had expressed an interest in seeing the extent of the bruising, so Colonel O’Neill was trying to…er…de-brief Daniel, to get the picture.”

 

Hammond giggled.

“So it’s the whole of SG-1 who needed the reprimand, not just Jack? And he just took it?” The repeated locker-room pranks and the subsequent injuries had forced Hammond to have serious words with Jack.

“Carry on Doctor.”

 

“The next day, Daniel decided to get revenge on Colonel O’Neill, so he tried to turn the hot water off when the Colonel was in the shower. The Colonel attempted to defend himself with a squeezy bottle of shampoo, and some wound up in Daniel’s eye. We needed to give him an eye-wash.”

 

“Was he alright?” The General stared at Janet with horror and disbelief on his face – he’d been spared from hearing about that incident.

 

“Not exactly. It was that tea-tree and mint shampoo that Daniel uses. The one that makes everything feel all tingly and cold when you use it. He needed eye-drops for several days afterwards.” Hammond and Janet looked at each other and both winced in sympathy. “I gather some got into the cut on Daniel’s nose and that hurt for ages as well.” She shook her head. “And that’s not the end of the locker room pranks either.”

 

“Well I know about the sewing up the bottom of his pants…”

 

“That didn’t happen until two days after the shampoo injury.”

 

“So – what happened next?” Hammond’s face indicated that he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know.

 

 “Well, Teal’c super-glued the door of Daniel’s locker shut, or at least he tried to. Unfortunately, because the gap between the door and the frame is quite wide, it didn’t make contact, so the door didn’t actually get stuck. Unfortunately, Daniel managed to open the door before the glue had dried…”

 

Hammond could guess what was coming, and had to fight to stop himself from laughing.

“He didn’t?”

 

“I think you’ve guessed Sir. He had just come out of the shower, and was looking in his locker for his deodorant. Unfortunately for Daniel, he’d left his clothes on the bench across the room…”

 

“How long was he there?” Hammond was giggling now.

 

“We don’t know exactly, but Sam found him standing there desperately clutching his towel with his free hand and shivering. Boy was he angry!”  Janet was trying hard to keep a straight face, and failing. “Poor Daniel. He had to wait another twenty minutes while we got the agent that dissolves the superglue sent over from USAF hospital. Colonel O’Neill came to see what was going on, Daniel thought he was behind the prank, and lashed out at him. He…er…dropped his towel.” They both laughed out loud.

 

Hammond tried to speak around his laughter.

“Poor man! How many people saw…?”

 

“Well, there was Colonel O’Neill, Sergeant Siler, Teal’c, me, Sam, Ferretti and a couple of SFs… more then enough!” Janet sat there, hand over mouth, shoulders shaking in silent mirth.

 

“Oh dear oh dear!” chuckled Hammond. “How did he handle that?”

 

“Somehow, he managed to retain his dignity. He stood up as straight as he could, glared at everyone and just said, as calm as you like, ‘this one has been filed for the future’. It was quite scary – or it would have been if he hadn’t been stark bollock naked at the time.” Janet suddenly let out an explosive giggle as she remembered the incident. As Daniel had straightened himself up she had been crouched down to pick up the towel and had been on the receiving end of an interesting eyeful as she’d looked up. She was fighting to get herself under control, as Hammond looked on.

 

“Doctor, are you okay?”

 

Janet pulled herself together, thanking her lucky stars that these discussions of Daniel’s accidental injuries were always informal.

“Sorry Sir.” She scanned the report in front of her, to help her recover her composure. “Where was I? Ah, yes the revenge attack.” She grimaced slightly. “Having found out who was behind that prank, Daniel decided that itching powder in Teal’c’s t-shirt would be a suitable revenge.”

 

“Itching powder? What did Junior make of that?”

 

“We’ll never know. Sam inadvertently spilt body lotion on Daniel’s t-shirt. He’d left it lying on the bench as usual, instead of putting it away. She noticed that Teal’c had two in his locker, so…she replaced Daniel’s dirty one with the one with the itching powder…”

 

“Oh dear.” Hammond winced.

 

“Serves him right really, taking revenge is an infantile thing to do.” Janet looked decidedly disapproving. “Shame he was allergic to the itching powder. Still antihistamine took care of it.”  She picked up the next sheet of paper. “Now we’re up to the sewing up of the pants…a stupid prank, and Daniel was quite badly hurt.”

 

“I did reprimand the culprit and warn him about all the larking about, but I hadn’t appreciated that he was only directly responsible for one of the pranks.”

 

“To be fair to the Colonel, Daniel was responsible for some of them himself. It’s just that it’s only ever Daniel that gets hurt….”  Janet rubbed her temples as if to ward off a headache. “I found out that Daniel had started this whole series of pranks off by letting down the tyres on the Colonel’s car.”

 

“Hmm. Maybe I need to have a word with SG-1 as a whole.” Hammond shook his head. “I really can’t believe that they can be that infantile.”

 

“Perhaps it’s the nature of the job Sir.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Well, it’s a well known fact that both doctors and fire-fighters are prone to either a juvenile or sick sense of humour. It’s a form of dealing with the unpleasant side of the job. SG-1 has been through some pretty unpleasant things in the past. Maybe this is their release mechanism.” Janet shrugged. It did sound like a lame excuse when she put it like that, but it was probably true.

 

“Well, perhaps we could encourage SG-1 not to do it on base. Besides the other teams don’t seem to do that kind of thing as much.”

 

“Not that we know of, Sir. We only actually know about SG-1’s pranks because Daniel got hurt. Anyway, if they took it off base, who’d put Daniel back together again?” Janet and Hammond exchanged glances.

 

“Okay Doctor. I’ll let this one ride – unless it gets out of hand again.” Hammond chuckled and shook his head. “Anyhow, let’s get back to the matter in hand, Doctor.”

 

“Of course, Sir. The sewing up of the pant legs…Colonel O’Neill stitched up the bottoms of both Dr Jackson’s pant legs. Unfortunately, instead of putting them on while sat down, Daniel tried to put them on standing up, and fell over backwards. He cracked his head on the floor and knocked himself out. Sam found him and Daniel spent another 24 hours in the infirmary with a concussion.”

 

“Okay. What’s next?”

 

“Well, to be fair, this one is only in the folder because I was present when it happened. It was handled by the USAF hospital, and so will appear on their files. SG-1 and I were helping Sam out in her backyard. She’d decided to replace her old patio with decking, and we were lifting the old paving slabs. Daniel, ever the archaeologist, spotted something that looked interesting, and reached out for it as the slab that Colonel O’Neill was lifting up broke in half. One of the pieces landed on Daniel’s wrist. We thought it might have been broken, so he and I headed off to the ER, leaving the others to carry on. By the time we got back, having been told it was just badly bruised, they’d cleared the lot. Daniel then annoyed everyone by grabbing a trowel and foraging in the newly levelled dirt for non-existent artefacts.”

 

“Why did he think there might be any?” Hammond shook his head.

 

“Apparently this area has been the source of quite a few rare Native American findings. Daniel says we should always look carefully when doing yard-work, as you’ll never know what you might overlook.” Janet gave a wry smile. “Having an archaeologist helping you in the backyard is enlightening – it’s about the only time your dirt will be more interesting than the plants, but the digging is thorough, and you won’t get any stones left behind.”

 

“I know exactly what you mean, Doctor,” agreed Hammond. “At the barbeque I held last year, he stared out across the lawn and asked me if there’d ever been a geophysical survey done of the garden.” He gave a small laugh. “I wasn’t going to tell him that there had been before we bought the place, and that something was identified as being ‘worthy of investigation’. I had the feeling that if I’d told him that he’d have got a spade and started that investigation there and then!” Shaking his head Hammond added, “If I ever decide to re-design the garden I’ll let him know!”

 

“Shall we continue Sir? We’ve still got another nine reports to discuss.”

 

“Of course Doctor. Do carry on.”

 

“Okay, what do we have here? Ah… the gate room on the 24th…”

 

“I’m not sure I remember that one, Doctor.” Hammond frowned.

 

“It was while you were on leave Sir. Because Colonel O’Neill was in command of the SGC, SG-1 were not scheduled to go off world, but SG-11 requested that Daniel make a field visit to a site that they’d found on PJ2-902. He was only off world for about 5 hours, but there was a problem with the incoming wormhole. He was flung out of the gate at approximately 15 mph. Fortunately, he managed to escape with minor cuts and bruises.”

 

“Ah. I did read a report about an enforced shut down of the gate. It mentioned a minor injury to a member of personnel, it just didn’t say who it was.”

 

“The old Jackson luck came into play again. He must have feline genes in him, Sir. He nearly always gets off far lighter with things than he should.” Janet shook her head and picked up the next report off the pile. “Oh.”

 

“Oh?” The General frowned at her. “What’s this one Doctor?”

 

“This is the one that’s been dubbed ‘God’s Gift to the SGC’, Sir.” Was it Hammond’s imagination, or was Janet blushing slightly?

 

“’God’s Gift to the SGC’, Doctor?”

 

Janet grimaced slightly.

“The reaction that Daniel had to a chemical found in some mud on PT4-765. It resulted in some…interesting side-effects.”

 

“Oh. That one.” Hammond looked slightly uncomfortable. “Well, let’s hear it, Doctor.”

 

“Okay, during their trip to PT4-765, Daniel tripped up and landed in a rather large expanse of very gooey, smelly mud. The others did not, which is why, fortunately, he was the only member of SG-1 affected. It could have been very difficult if we’d had to deal with more than just Daniel.” She bit her lip in embarrassment. “Well, there was a chemical in this mud that caused a dramatic hormonal reaction in Dr Jackson’s system. Uh… he started to produce both pheromones and testosterone at high extremely high levels.” She looked up at Hammond. “Do I need to continue Sir?”

 

“Please. We have to discuss it properly, and I was only kept informed of the basic facts, nothing else, Doctor.” He noticed that Janet looked extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable, but they both knew that if he wasn’t fully briefed and the Pentagon queried anything in the reports he’d be in trouble.

 

Janet took a deep breath and stared at the paper in her hands. Without looking up from it she delivered the rest of her report as fast as she could.

“Okay. The effect that this massive increase in hormones had was to make Daniel simultaneously both immensely attractive and extremely…er…libidinous, Sir. In effect, women were making sexual advances to him, and he...er…reacted as you would expect an aroused male to react. As he said himself, when you’re horny and it’s offered on a plate, you don’t say no.” She didn’t look up.

 

“How many women, Doctor?”

 

“I know of three who…er… got the whole package, as it were. There were numerous other…occasions when the arrival of another member of personnel prevented things from progressing too far. This was before we’d worked out what was happening.” Her posture and facial expressions told Hammond that there was something she was leaving out.

 

“Were any women immune to this, Doctor?” he asked.

 

“No Sir. And some men found him more attractive than they might...uh... normally do, Sir. In fact, the only person who was truly immune was Teal’c, which was just as well.”

 

“Just as well, Doctor?”

 

“We were able to use Teal’c to isolate him from the rest of the SGC. Earlier, we’d confined him to one of the VIP rooms with Colonel O’Neill keeping an eye on him. Major Carter came to inform them that she’d identified the chemical in the mud and was analysing it. Unfortunately… when Nurse Jones and I arrived to take the regular blood samples, we found that both Colonel O’Neill and Major Carter had…er… succumbed to Daniel’s irresistibility… fortunately, we arrived before things had progressed to…er…beyond…um…”

 

“…to a three in a bed romp, Doctor?” Hammond bailed her out.

 

She nodded in reply, relieved that she’d been spared telling the details of that one. The sight of three of the four members of SG-1 rolling around half-naked on the bed had been quite a shock, especially as Daniel had suggested that she join in, and she damn near had!

 

Hammond watched Janet squirming. “Do I take it that you were affected Doctor?”

 

“Yes Sir. In fact, it was my behaviour that alerted me to exactly what the outcome of Daniel’s elevated hormone levels was, Sir.”

 

“Excuse me?” Hammond was interested in Janet’s reaction. She’d returned from being cringingly embarrassed to once again being the calm, in control Doctor as she’d said that last sentence. Well, apart from the fact that she was blushing.

 

“I didn’t do Daniel’s post-mission checks myself. That was one of the nurses, who later turned out to be one of the three. I noticed the elevated hormone levels in his blood work, and recalled him to the infirmary to check it out. When I found myself…er…kissing him passionately instead of taking further tests, I realised that there was a problem.”

 

“I see. What was the outcome of all of this?”

 

“Well, we initially had some difficulties getting the three women who had…er…full intercourse to admit to having succumbed, but once we explained that it wouldn’t go on their personnel records, just the base medical records, they were a little more forthcoming. Especially when we pointed out that we only wanted to know so we could administer the morning-after pill. Fortunately, the problem was identified within 24 hours, so we hadn’t missed that window.” Janet pinched the bridge of her nose.

 

“Doctor, off the record, do I need to be concerned about the dynamics of SG-1 under the fraternisation rules?” Hammond tried to phrase this as delicately as he could.

 

“No Sir. The only incident that members of SG-1 were involved in was the one in the VIP room, and that didn’t get further than groping, Sir.” 

 

He gave her a quizzical look, eyebrows raised. She broke eye contact, and stared at the paper in front of her.

“Okay. We’ll say no more about it, Doctor. So how did you resolve the situation?”

 

“Major Carter managed to isolate the chemical in the mud, and then I worked with the bio-lab boys to establish an antidote. Daniel got HRT again. He did get a separate injury as a result of this incident.”

 

“Really?”

 

“The fiancé of one of the three women got a little upset. She had to tell him about the morning after pill as it made her really ill. He got the full story out of her – well, with the public slant – that Daniel had volunteered to do some medical testing for us with unfortunate side effects. He encountered Daniel in the base parking lot, and hit him.”

 

“Ouch. What was the damage?”

 

“Bloody nose and split lip. Nothing serious. Painful, but not serious.” Janet gave a small laugh. “Apparently, having thumped Daniel, the guy then helped him up, and said ‘no hard feelings’”

 

“Why do people always seem to like Dr Jackson?” laughed Hammond.

 

“I have no idea Sir. I did wonder if it was the lingering remnants of the elevated level of pheromones. It was them that made Daniel so attractive to everyone. Even Major Coburn and SG-3 were overheard discussing about how lovely and good-looking the geek was.”

 

“I don’t think you should have told me that, Doctor. I’ll never see those Marines in the same light again! How many have we got left, Doctor?”

 

“Six.”

 

“Good grief! We’ve overrun this meeting slot by twenty minutes already!”

 

“Well, they’re all pretty minor, Sir, with the exception of the last one. Sprained ankle doing the three-legged race with Colonel O’Neill at the SGC family picnic, apparently the Colonel decided it should be run like the 100m sprint, whereas Daniel wanted to run it somewhat more sedately! Then there was a bruised cheek from trying to place a heavy book on too high a shelf and dropping it, scalded hand from not looking while pouring boiling water onto a tea-bag, 24-hour vomiting induced by eating leftovers that should have been in the bin, and a boil from an infected hair follicle that needed lancing,” Janet pulled a slightly disgusted face at this one, “ Then we have the trip to PX1-341 on the thirty-first.”

 

“How are Colonel O’Neill and Doctor Jackson doing now?”

 

“They’re both much improved. I discharged Colonel O’Neill the day before yesterday, and Daniel this morning. They’ll both be on light duties for a while. The Colonel should be out of plaster in a month, but Daniel will be on crutches for a while yet Sir. His ankle was quite badly broken, and needed extensive surgery to re-position and pin it.”

 

“What happened again?”

 

“They’d been exploring the ruins on the planet, and Daniel decided to investigate the lower levels. As he started down the steps, he stood on a loose stone – Colonel O’Neill tried to grab onto him, and they both fell down the steps. One broken ankle, concussion and three cracked ribs for Daniel, a broken wrist, dislocated shoulder and concussion for Colonel O’Neill. Not to mention the bruises.” Janet gave a wry smile. “At least we’re now seven days into the next month and Daniel hasn’t managed to inflict any further damage to himself yet!”

 

“That’s got to be a good thing Doctor.” Hammond smiled at Janet.

 

A quiet knock on the door stopped Janet from replying, and she quickly made sure all the reports were inside the folders, out of sight.

 

“Come in!” called Hammond.

 

The door opened and Daniel came into the office, very slowly. He was using elbow crutches, but was struggling a little, given that he was holding a file between two fingers on his left hand, making it difficult for him to maintain a firm grip on that crutch.

“Sorry to interrupt…I’ve…er…brought the reports from… archaeology and linguistics… er, last month’s… Sorry it’s a bit late Sir… I’ve been…”

 

“I know where you’ve been, Son. Are you okay now?” Hammond took the report from Daniel’s fingers just as it started to slip to the floor.

 

“Yes Sir. I’m fine.” Daniel seemed to hesitate slightly.

 

“Is there anything else, Doctor Jackson?”

 

Daniel shook his head.

“No Sir. I… I’m just not very good at turning around in small spaces…” He started to manoeuvre himself around, very carefully.  Janet got up out of the chair and moved it and herself out of the way. Daniel managed to get himself turned round in the somewhat cramped space of the General’s office. As he headed out of the door he came to a halt.

“Um…Excuse me…er…I’m caught. Could you…?”

 

Janet moved to the door. Sure enough, Daniel had the door handle hooked up in the pocket of his fatigues. Extricating him from his predicament she gave him a stern look.

“Please be more careful, Doctor Jackson. I have seen more than enough of you in the infirmary in the last month. I do NOT want to see you in there other than for routine exams for at least another six weeks! Is that clear?”

 

Daniel looked at her sheepishly.

“Yes Ma’am. Sorry Ma’am. Won’t do it again.”  Despite the sheepish look, his eyes were twinkling behind his glasses.

 

“Well, you just get along now, CAREFULLY” Janet turned back to towards the General, who was trying to maintain a straight face.  As she closed the door behind the archaeologist, Hammond started to laugh.

 

“How does he do it?”

 

“I have no idea, Sir, but at least I’m assured of a job as long as he is working here. That man alone justifies the cost of having an infirmary on the base.” She shook her head, smiling as she did so.

 

“I think we’re finished now Doctor, unless there’s anything else you need to discuss?”

 

“No Sir. We’re done.” Janet gathered the papers together, picked up the folders and headed towards the door. As she opened the door, the distant sound of crutches being dropped and a thud were followed by the unmistakable yelp of pain from a certain archaeologist. Janet put the folders back down on the desk. “Excuse me Sir. Duty calls. It sounds like we’ve started on next month’s report…” Shaking her head she left the office.

 

Hammond went and looked out of his office. At the far end of the corridor, Daniel was sat on the floor rubbing one shoulder, one crutch lay on the floor next to him, the other was a few feet away.

Janet had reached the stricken archaeologist and snatches of their conversation reached the general's ears.

 "Daniel, what happened?"

"Well I got my good foot caught in my crutch and when I tried to disentangle myself, I fell over..."

 

Shaking his head in disbelief, the General went back into his office, and closed the door. Sitting back down behind the desk, he picked up the yellow folder containing the reports from the archaeology and linguistics department. It was a shame, he thought, that the reports written by Dr Jackson weren’t anywhere near as entertaining as the reports written about the man and his escapades. As he opened the folder, he noticed the sticker on the front of the red folder that Janet had left on the desk. Reading it, he laughed out loud at the simple description on it - it was such an appropriate description of the contents, he couldn’t help himself.

 

The underneath the standard printed title "Medical reports - Confidential" Janet’s handwriting read simply “Danny’s Disasters”.

 

* fin *

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Athene