Behind Closed Doors

 

 

• RATING:           R
• CATEGORY:     POV, Angst, Thoughts, Vignette            
• PAIRINGS:        Daniel and ???, ER
• CONTENT WARNINGS: Post-Meridian, Sexual Situations, Language
• SPOILERS:       Meridian, Fallen
• AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I don’t know who this is, so this could be slash, or it could be ship. The only thing I know is that it isn’t Teal’c and it isn’t Sha’re.

    *****

 

I wake from my dream, disoriented and confused. I’ve been dreaming about Daniel again, about making love with him, and the pain of my loss overwhelms me. I cannot believe that he chose to leave us and ascend. I honestly thought that our love meant more to him than that.

 

I lie here in bed, eyes closed but awake, feeling my grief. There is a movement in the bed behind me as my lover stirs, and I remember that he chose to come back to us. To me.

 

Daniel wriggles across the bed and pulls me tightly towards his chest. He enfolds me in his arms and I relax into his warmth. He magically manages to find a nipple through the fabric of my t-shirt and is circling it gently with one thumb. His early morning erection is nestled between the cheeks of my ass, and he’s nuzzling the back of my neck, the softness of his lips contrasting with the roughness of his stubble. His breath tickles the back of my neck. I know he’s not awake, this is purely instinct. Boy, what instinct! A frisson of pleasure runs down my spine.

 

Even though I am becoming aroused it still feels too early – we were up way too late last night - and the warmth of Daniel’s body is lulling me off back into sleep. I jolt awake again. Despite the fact that it’s Sunday, we have to get up, get moving.

 

Today is Cassandra’s birthday, and we have things to do. Everyone is helping out with the party preparations, so - nice as this is - we must get up. I glance at the clock on the table next to the bed. Ouch, nine o’clock – we’re already running late. Not so late that it’s completely unsalvageable, but we have to get going ASAP.

 

I extricate myself from his embrace, even though every inch of me wants to stay exactly where it is.

 

“Come on Daniel, we have to get up,” I yank the blankets off him, admiring his naked body in the bed. The last few years of military physical training have had a good effect on his body – he is lean, but beautifully honed. It is a sight for sore eyes. I must admit I have no idea why he sleeps naked. Daniel is always cold and steals all the covers every night, which is why I always wear at least a t-shirt in bed.

 

“Go away,” he mutters, dragging the blankets back to form a cocoon around him, “Not yet…” He rolls over onto his stomach and stuffs the pillow over his head.

 

There’s only one thing that will wake Rip Van Daniel, and that’s coffee. No, that’s not strictly true, but sex is completely out of the question. If we stop for sex then we will be seriously late.

 

We are actually at Daniel’s apartment for once, which makes a change. I wander through to the kitchen and put the coffee on, and then go and get my shower as it brews. I must admit to being extremely tempted to get back into bed with Daniel as I pass through the bedroom on my way to the bathroom, but I have to be strong.

 

I emerge from my morning ablutions to find that Daniel hasn’t moved at all, except possibly to pull the covers further round himself. I smile as a faint snore emanates from under the pillow. I dress and then disappear to pour two cups of coffee. I leave one in the kitchen, and then return to the bedroom.

 

I open the drapes at the window, flooding the room with sunlight, and put the coffee cup right next to Daniel’s head. I then poke the heap of bedding with one finger. The bedding caterpillar, formerly known as Daniel, farts in response and burrows deeper under the pillow.

 

“Morning, Daniel,” I say breezily.

 

“Is it?” he grumbles in his best snarky tone.

 

“Yes it is, and we are due to leave for Cassandra’s party in under an hour.” I prise the pillow off his head, and kiss the top of it, which is about the only thing I can reach. “Coffee…” I wave the cup around so he can smell it.

 

“Mmmm Coffee…” he smiles sleepily at me, one of those slow, lazy, early-morning smiles that completely turns me to mush inside. He half sits up in bed and grabs the cup of coffee from me. He hasn’t actually opened his eyes more than a crack the entire time.

 

I watch in silence as he downs half the cup in one long swallow, and then opens his eyes properly for the first time. He stares at me blankly for a moment and downs the rest of the coffee. As he puts the empty mug on the table I realise that the empty cup is still steaming.

 

“That isn’t good for you you know.”

 

“What isn’t?” Daniel yawns, obscuring half his reply. He fumbles around until he finds his glasses, and puts them on.

 

“Drinking coffee that hot. Damages the throat.”

 

He smiles in a smug fashion. “Tell you what, you pour the next one while I’m in the shower and I won’t drink that one so hot.”

 

“You’ve got a deal - as long as you are in the shower in the next thirty seconds… We don’t want to annoy Cassie by being late by even a second. You know what teenage girls are like.”

 

He grimaces and struggles out of the bed. I watch his six disappear into the bathroom. I wait until I hear the water running before heading for the kitchen to refill his coffee mug.

 

I lean against the counter and sip my coffee slowly. I’m about half way through my second cup when Daniel appears, clean, dressed and apparently alert. However, experience has taught me that despite his appearance any attempt at conversation is futile until he’s had that third cup mono-syllabic grunts are the best he’ll manage.

 

I hand over the coffee, and, as he downs it pretty much in one, I realise that his shirt is buttoned up completely wrong. Shaking my head, I undo the buttons to fasten them up as they should be.

 

Putting the cup on the counter, he looks at me, an evil glint in his eyes. “I thought we were running late?” he asks, with a wicked smirk.

 

“We are. You just… got the buttons done up all crooked…” Even as I speak I cannot resist just running my fingertips across his chest. I feel the smooth skin contract slightly under my touch, and he moves in closer to me. Sighing I pull away. He stands there, shirt open, bottom lip stuck out like a sulky toddler.

 

“You gonna leave me like this?” he pouts.

 

I turn away. He knows I’m a sucker for his little boy lost look and he’ll play that trump card at every opportunity. I really should be immune by now, but I’m not… I remind myself that he’s thirty-eight years old and six feet tall and that every inch is that of a devious, manipulative and oh-so-sexy grown ‘man’. “Yes Daniel, I am leaving you like that.” I glare at him, silently congratulating myself for not leaping on him there and then. “You can either do it up, or walk around bare-chested all day. I’m sure Cassandra won’t mind…”

 

He grins. “Cassie won’t mind, but can you stand it?”

 

Ouch! He knows me too well. I grab two English muffins, split them and throw them into the toaster oven. “Muffin?” I ask. As soon as the word falls from my lips I realise what I’ve just said.

 

Daniel snorts with laughter.

 

“Get your mind out the gutter, Jackson – do you want some breakfast?”

 

We eat our breakfast in double quick time, and then I go hunt out my coat and car keys. We will arrive at the party separately, because no one knows about us. That’s not strictly true. I think the others have a pretty good idea that we’re not ‘just good friends’ anymore, but we have not gone public. Nor will we, although if we were asked outright I don’t think we’d bother to deny it.

 

“I’ll see you there,” I say.

 

Daniel grabs me and kisses me goodbye. It’s hard to tear myself away from him, knowing that for the rest of the day we will have to appear to be nothing more than friends. A huge part of me wants to tell everyone, just so we can be ourselves, but there are too many rules and regulations that we are bound by, so we say nothing.

 

If I quit the job, left the Air Force, then we could be as open as we liked. However, I’m not sure I could wave him off every day, knowing where he’s going and what he’s doing but at the same time not knowing. It would tear me apart, waiting.

 

If I asked him to quit as well, I know he would, just because I asked him. I couldn’t do that to him. Watching him go through the hell of not working at the SGC would be as bad as watching him die of radiation poisoning, possibly worse, because it would be torment without end.

 

Neither of us can leave it alone. It’s too important, too exciting. It’s what we do, and it’s why he came back.

 

 “What’s up?” he asks, holding me so he can look deep into my eyes. Damn him, he’s way too perceptive at times.

 

“Nothing,” I lie. Nothing that getting rid of the stupid rules and regulations that stop us from going public wouldn’t fix.

 

“Liar,” he replies. “Feel like sharing?”

 

“Nope. I’d better go.” I finally manage to tear myself away. I kiss him once more, and then open the door to his apartment.

 

As soon as the door is opened the outside world intrudes and we are once again just good friends. I wave him goodbye with a cheery ‘see you later’. He raises his hand in a half wave as I close the door behind me.

 

As I walk to the elevator I look back at the closed door and realise that it’s like a prison door.  The most important part of my life is locked behind that door and can never exist anywhere else, just because of the career choices we have made. The irony is that in this prison, freedom is behind the locked door.

 

 

* fin *

Love it? Hate it? Let me know either way!

Athene