TOMORROW'S BBC TELEVISION SCHEDULE
BBC 1 |
BBC 2 |
||
| 6.00 | Breakfast News | 6.00 | Open University Beardy-weirdies from the 70's wittering on about exothermic reactions. |
| 9.00 | Kilroy The stuck up idiot patronises some more blubbering women. |
8.00 | Children's BBC Featuring The Naughty Squirrels, Jimmy's Magic Nostril, The Teaspoon Family, Rabies in Toyland |
| 10.00 | Tedium at Pebble Mill Semi-competent music and C-list celebrity chat. |
10.00 | Telemunkies Mutant freaks of nature spew forth repetitive gibberish from their ridiculous faces. |
| 12.00 | Past the Keyhole Contestants try to guess why David Frost looks so much like an embalmed corpse. |
10.30 | House of Lords Live Mutant freaks of nature spew forth repetitive gibberish from their ridiculous faces. |
| 1.00 | BBC News | 2.00 | Who Gives a Toss? Puerile gameshow nonsense with soap opera actors. |
| 1.30 | Regional News | 2.30 | Ready, Steady, Apathy! Yet another coma-inducing 'fun' cookery show. |
| 1.45 | Australian Soap Opera Barbara and Ricardo are caught fornicating by Bill, whilst Tricia is eaten by a horse. |
3.00 | FILM: Tedious Castle A pathetic 1953 attempt at a thriller. Featuring nobody you've ever heard of. |
| 2.10 | Murder, She Lied Jessica Fletcher wastes more police time. |
5.00 | Historical Walks Painfully dull quasi-educational rambles past old churches. |
| 2.45 | My Bluff is
Called A day out for geriatric celebrities. |
6.00 | The Simpsons Thank God. |
| 3.20 | Children's BBC Featuring Little Billy and the Shiny Things, Thomas the Wankel Rotary Engine, Incomprehensible Japanese Exploding Monsters, Cynical Half-hour Toy Advertisement, Blue Peter. |
6.45 | Robot Battles Intriguing home-made contraptions smash each other apart. Now that's entertainment. |
| 5.35 | Australian Soap Opera
(repeat) As if it wasn't bad enough the first time. |
7.30 | Mastercook The astoundingly irritating Lloyd Grossman presents another identical set of stupidly obscure menus. |
| 6.00 | BBC News Opinion, rumour and lies presented as fact. Now with 20% more close-ups of grief stricken faces. |
8.00 | Mind Numbing Period Drama |
| 6.30 | Regional News Why that funny man down the road was arrested, and why he was hoarding all those milk bottles. |
9.00 | Have I Got Repetition For You Forty-eight thousandth edition of the popular topical news quiz. |
| 7.00 | Witch Hunt Consumer affairs programme which tries desperately to scratch the surface of corporate evil. This week - exploding cots. |
9.30 | Amazingly Unfunny Situation
Comedy With Caroline Quentin. |
| 7.30 | Top of the Pops Hormone-crazed teenagers screech at talentless, miming half-wits. |
10.00 | Saunders & French Horrible film spoofs almost identical to the stuff that 8-year-olds come up with in the playground. |
| 8.00 | Typical Home Makeover
Programme With that gardening woman with the huge breasts. |
10.45 | Documentary Now Pointless schedule filler about a family in Glasgow who sell housebricks. |
| 8.30 | Ancient Sitcom from the
Archives Because the new ones are so poor. |
11.30 | Nightnews Jeremy Paxman is slightly unpleasant to another politician. |
| 9.00 | BBC News Twelve minutes about Posh Spice's toenails and thirty seconds on the millions killed in a foreign earthquake. |
12.00 | FILM: It Came from the Swing
Bin Incredibly cheap old black and white horror film. Even worse than it sounds. Starring that bloke from Bonanza. |
| 9.30 | Crime Scare UK Dramatic crime reconstructions and an over-emphasis on violence helps to keep people in front of their televisions by making them too scared to go outside. |
1.35 | Viewer Feedback Programme Because we are legally obliged to have one. |
| 10.25 | FILM: Good Cop, Bad Cop Usual American rubbish about a policeman who breaks the rules. Starring Clint Eastwood or Arnold Schwarzenneger. |
2.00 to 5.00 |
The Educational Lethargy Zone |
| 12.05 | FILM: Twist of the Knife Some cheap B-movie from the 60's that no-one will watch. Starring Keith Generic and Sheila Nobody. |
||
| 2.10 to 7.00 |
BBC News 24 | ||