ARE YOU THE ONE?
Beautiful, 26 year old oriental lady seeks caring
gentlemen with no ties, 30-45. Must be solvent and have own car.
And a really expensive house. Ownership of impressive yacht
preferred. Potentially fatal cardiac disorder a distinct
advantage. Box 8745.
RIDE MY LIGHTSABER
Luke Skywalker, 57, seeks Princess Leia for galactic domination.
Knowledge of Star Wars films a must, strange danish-pastry
hairstyle optional. Must look good in skimpy slave-girl costume
(supplied). Box 6345.
DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
Help! I'm a stunning, fair-haired 24 year old maiden who has been
tied to a train track with a ridiculous amount of rope. I'm
looking for a dapper, old-fashioned gentleman to untie me then
give the cloaked man with a stovepipe hat and twirled moustauche
a punch on the nose. Please respond quickly as time is short. Box
4758.
AVERAGE MALE
London-based man, 32, own car, would like to meet pretty,
disenchanted female to ignore while the football's on and slap
around occasionally. Must enjoy cooking. Box 3123.
TOSSER SEEKS IDIOT
Box 4371.
YOUNG AT HEART
I'm a mature, cuddly, worldly lady looking for a caring gentleman
for companionship and maybe more. Although my last stroke left my
right side paralysed, I'm still all woman! (except for the metal
plates). If you aren't easily put off by flabby elbow skin,
bedsores and the smell of stale vomit then please get in touch.
If you can correctly insert a catheter, then please mention it in
your letter. Box 1865.
WAITING FOR YOU
38 year old male, chartered surveyor, would like to meet
fresh-faced lady, 24, with brown hair, blue eyes, small ears,
large nostrils, size 5 feet, long fingernails and slight
Manchester accent (Salford acceptable). Must enjoy long walks in
apple orchards with not less than 35 trees, the second half of
The Shawshank Redemption, collecting Star Trek videos (NOT Deep
Space 9!), Chris de Burgh, chocolate milkshakes if not too thick,
being tickled on the left elbow, being referred to as Fiona, and
wearing my ex-wife's clothes. Box 2145.
