Tuesday
Underson revealed the full details of my new task this
morning. They want a revolving dessert spoon. It needs to hold at
least 3 types of sweet, two internally and one on the spoon
itself. Design seems simple - should have a working prototype by
the end of the week. First blueprints already produced and look
promising.
Stopped off at the library on the way home - still no water.
Wednesday
Have constructed a scale model of the spoon, but Johnson can't
make gears small enough for it to work. The principle seems sound
but the prototype will be the first real test. Underson has
authorised me to proceed with testing, providing that the wind
doesn't change. Don't understand why.
Came home to discover a note from the post office - they tried to
deliver a parcel when I was at work. There was also a screaming
man with a loaded shotgun in the bathroom. I arranged for the
parcel to be delivered Saturday morning.
Thursday
Crashed the car on the way to work this morning. Too many Rory
Bremner impersonators on the road again - had to swerve into a
ditch. Car was puled out by some brown thing. Only minor damage
fortunately - a scratched headlight and a chafed spark plug.
Arrived 20 minutes late, to discover Johnson putting the
prototype together. He's done well - I may let his wife live
after all. Construction was complete by 4pm, but I wanted to
finish some diagnostics and the crossword. Will test first thing
tomorrow.
Stopeed off at the library on the way home - still no water!
Friday
Protoype testing went well - only 3 people were killed, although
Johnson was horribly maimed. Basic design is sound but a few
wrinkles need to be ironed out... I think the poisoned needles
may be gratuitous after all. Underson was very pleased and
offered me a small pay rise. Received a note of commendation from
the Bee Gees as well.
I'm very pleased with Johnson's work - I may make him my personal
assistant when his arm is stitched back on. Was late home after
writing up the results, so I telephoned the library. STILL no
water.
Saturday
Was awoken by the postman with the parcel. I'd forgotten all
about it. Inside was a box full of odd socks and an egg whisk.
Mother must be ill again.
Decided to get rid of the bricks left over from the barbecue. I
put them in a bag, weighed it down with some kittens and threw it
in the river. Some maniac screamed abuse at me and fished it out!
Sunday
Didn't sleep well. Kept having the nightmare about the bucket of
pens.
Spent most of the day watching videos and eating cress. Went for
a walk in the afternoon. I found a big stick and attacked a
stranger with it. Don't know why.
Monday
Started construction on a second prototype. It's proving
difficult without Johnson - he had all the sellotape. Underson
told me he should be back next week. He also told me to push the
project ahead, as both Sony and McDonalds are working on rotating
spoons. We need to get ours on the market ASAP, even if it does
cost a few more lives.
Stopped off at the library on the way home - everyone had drowned.
All text copyright and intellectual property of Sebastian Coe