Headlines from around the world
"I'M BIGGER THAN JESUS," CLAIMS GOD
FREDDIE STARR ATE MY GARAGE!
MAN'S FACE DEMOLISHED TO MAKE WAY FOR NEW HOSPITAL
LUTON COLLAPSES - TERMITES BLAMED
MAN / DOG FINGER TRANSPLANT A TOTAL FAILURE
ECCENTRIC LORD DIES, LEAVES FORTUNE TO PLANKTON
NEW FUN SIZE CRUNCHIE BAR DECLARED TOO BIG BY EURO COMMISSION
PSYCHIC CONTACTS SPIRIT WORLD VIA TIN CAN / STRING
BOY WITH NO HEAD TO LEAD NORMAL LIFE, DOCTORS DECLARE
"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD" SCREECHES DRUNKEN DALE WINTON
NON-CORRUPT CORPORATION DISCOVERED; GOVERNMENT DENIES ALL KNOWLEDGE
HEADMASTER SACKED FOR FORCING CHILD TO EAT FURNITURE
REFERENCE TO SPICE GIRLS DISCOVERED IN BIBLE
GAZZA HAS CAREER ARREST - DECLARED "WASHED UP ON ARRIVAL" AT HOSPITAL
LATEST SATELLITE PHOTOS PROVE THAT RUSSIA DOES NOT EXIST
STOCK MARKET CRASHES AFTER OCELOT RUNS RIOT AT WALL STREET
DEAD WAR VETERAN TO RECEIVE POSTHUMOUS TELEPHONE BILL
INEPT VOODOO PRIEST WINS TEA-TOWEL IN RAFFLE
NUMBER 3 SLOT REMOVED FROM POP CHARTS - BLAMES "PERSONAL DIFFERENCES"
BUDGET USHERS IN NEW 'MENTAL INSTABILITY TAX'
EVIL GENIUS FIGHTS JAMES BOND, FALLS TO DEATH FROM GREAT HEIGHT
ESSEX POLICE TO CLAMP THE HOMELESS
SCIENTIST DECLARES WHELK CONGRESS "AN IMPOSSIBILITY"
KEITH CHEGWIN STATUE ERECTED BY VANDALS
HUMMING TELEPHONIST ANNOYS CO-WORKER
YOUNG MOTHER SHOT DEAD BY S.A.S. - ADMINISTRATIVE PROBLEMS BLAMED
AFGHANISTAN HOLDS REFERENDUM ON STAR TREK
IT'S OFFICIAL - DANCING KILLS
SCRABBLE HOOLIGANS BRING SHAME TO NORWAY