Taters plunged into his rendition of duelling banjos (when it came to the guitar part he verbalised the sound of a guitar). The whole rendition melded into a collage of banjo plinks and howling mimicked guitar solos, that any out of tune banshee would have been proud of. Angua had had enough, she stood up pointing an accusing finger ,
"now just you stop playing that stupid banjo, and te....," she froze, a slight breeze had just carried the hastily snatched grass, and her dignity, away.
"Corrrrr!!!!!!!" Taters dropped the banjo.

*****

Vimes was getting fed up of arguing with the senile wizards, the Bursar was still singing the "Banana song" and was really trying his patience.
"Alright! I've had just about enough of all this!
Now, does anyone have any sensible suggestions...er, no Bursar, I...don't think that will help. Well if no one here can think of anything, is there anyone else in the University with two brain cells.....erm, do you know anyone that is good at solving problems....not using bananas, and I want to emphasise that point Bursar." The wizards looked sheepish for a while, but Ridcully managed
"Well, what about young Stibbons, he's always thinking up hair-brained schemes," "...Some of them do work, quite well in fact." he added hastily.
In the High Energy Facility in Unseen University, Ponder Stibbons was using HEX for calculations he needed for his latest project. The Archchancellor stopped a lot of the projects for one reason or another, but Stibbons was in a very good mood because Ridcully had approved of it.4 A shadow moved silently in the room and went unnoticed, approaching Stibbons with caution. A silvery glint graced the air smoothly, Ponder whipped around, but not quickly enough as a sharp blade came into his field of vision.
A yelp of agony, followed by a heavy thud and the clatter of steel on flagstones alerted Vimes and the wizards to run towards the High Energy Facility, the room was silent apart from groaning, Vimes ran over to the fallen Stibbons,
"Are you alright lad?" he exclaimed noticing a rather nasty knife wound.
"Gnnnngh." came the reply.
"Is er...everything alright?" hazarded Ridcully.
"Well, I think he'll be alright, but you ought to call out Doughnut Jimmy to be on the safe side." The Bursar picked up a well used knife,
"Clue? Mr Cheese and watermelons?" he queried. Vimes looked around at him, then in horror at the knife,
"I'd know that anywhere." he murmured, "It belongs to young Carrot."

*****

3.05am, the streets of Ankh-Morpork were still a bustle with the detriments of society. Two such detriments sat, arguing in hushed tones, next to a suspicious 'kidnapped werewolf' looking sac.
"You said 'I know what I'm doing' didn't you 'cos we got the right one you said' didn't you?" mocked the first in a fake gruff sounding voice,
" Oh, I'm the great priest Oople, I never make mistakes! You said!". Oople sneered.
"shuddup, Newtblat, I'm thinking", he opened the sac and rifled through, what was not a kidnapped werewolf but a dressmakers mannequin with a half made watch uniform draped over it.
"Would we be kidnappers or wolfnappers, what is a napper anyway?" queried Newtblat. Oople smiled a toothy smile,
"I got it!"
"Well, don't give it to me!" shot Newtblat, the once junior priest turned unlicensed wolfnapper.
"Its like this, without a werewolf He can't do the ritual, right?" Oople smiled a little.
"Yeah," replied Newtblat, " so? He needs all those frog eyes too, that's gonna take a while."
"A while, yes, and so we have time to try again," Oople leered at Newtblat.
"Yeah, what about our excuse?" queried Newtblat
"Well, if we say that she kick up a stink, thrashed around and stuff, tore open the sac and, after a fierce fight, killed one of us then ran off we'd be off the hook!"
"Ah, yeah but," Newtblat chirped with enlightenment, "I see a glitch in the plan, we're both alive."
Oople moved closer to Newtblat,
"Ah yes, we're both....Hey! Isn't that Elvis?" Newtblat turned to see his idol; it all ended for Newtblat in a 'sac of wet cement hitting the street' sound and a river of thick red blood running out of his chest around Oople's knife and into the gutter. Oople sneered, turned into the shadows and stalked back to his master with nothing more than a torn sac and a really convincing story.

*****

As Vimes held up the knife to examine it, Ponder raised his arm.
"What is it lad?" queried Ridcully "Dean will you please fetch Doughnut Jimmy!"
"Always me. Only one who works..." muttered the Dean as he stalked off. Ponder gargled. Vimes followed the line of his pointing finger to see a large shape emerging from the shadows.
"Ah, Carrot"
"Hello Commander." said Carrot.
"Been meaning to see you old chap."
"Have you sir? Glad it was so important that you hurried."
As Vimes started to speak, Carrot suddenly raised his arm to swing at the commander's head. Ridcully's hunting instincts kicked in however & , even faster than Carrot's stroke, he drew his pocket crossbow & fired. Carrot stared at the arrow sticking through his hand, dumbfounded. Then he dropped to the floor, as silent and as still as a corpse. Ponder Stibbons gurgled something and motioned feebly towards Hex before also assuming a corpse-like status on the floor of the HEM building. Vimes looked at Ridcully.
"Thanks"
"Not at all old chap. Now what the Dickens do you think he meant?"

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4: Ridcully's agreement to anything was an achievement in itself, probably worthy of a medal.