"Angua" wasn't about to admit that she was impressed. "It is the luck of the Kurita, you initiates possess no skill, its all luck," she said sullenly. "Very well, let us go."
"Where are we going?"
"Don't question me."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"No."
"Tell me."
"Shut up."
"Tell me."
"Oh, OK! We are going to the main Watchhouse to see a man called Vimes! He is very important, so DONT TRY TO KILL HIM! OK?" "Kylah" thought this over. She looked sidelong up at the sky, put her hands on her hips and sucked her mouth into the corner of her face.
"OK." she said flippantly as if she had been asked to close the door on her way out. "Angua" shook her head. It was a mistake to let her sister come along on this hunt.

*****

As the door slammed behind him, Vimes hurried across the yard to the gates, and ran panting to the bottom of the cobbled street. There he stopped, bent and rested his hands on his knees.
"Bloody cigars" he muttered to himself, before setting off at a slightly slower running pace.
Five minutes later he jogged into the courtyard of Unseen University.

*****

"Angua" and "Kylah" were still heading for the Watch House, moving at a slow walk due to "Kylah" sulking.
"You can't stop me going anyway." she said sullenly.
"Yes I can." replied "Angua" bluntly.
"Can't."
"Look, I can and you know it, so shut up. I'm not asking much"
"I said I wouldn't kill him, didn't I?"
"Yes you did, but that doesn't mean you can kill everyone else instead!"
"Never said that in the first place did you?! Besides, I haven't killed anyone yet."
"You would have done if I hadn't stopped you though."
"Well, he deserved it. Bloody clowns, they're not funny."
"No, but you pretend they are and they go away. Now shut up about it."
"Well, 'snot fair, I barely -"
"Shut it!"
They walked on in silence, "Kylah" lagging behind and scowling, "Angua" walking ahead and scowling.
"Angua" reached a crossroad, and looked over her shoulder to check the progress of her sister. She was about sixty yards behind, dragging her feet and looking at the ground. "Angua" sighed and leaned against the wall, patiently waiting. Eventually "Kylah" caught up.
"Glad you could make it." said "Angua" sarcastically.
"Got here didn't I?"
"Well get your arse in gear and move faster now, we're supposed to be there soon."
"Which way's the Watch House?"
"Not entirely sure, I think it's down this road." "Angua" said, nodding to her left.
A scratching noise from the other side of the street caught their attention, and they turned to see a small dog furiously trying to ease the irritation of various termites about his body. If diseases were animals, this is what they would look like. As they stared, Gaspode the Wonder Dog stopped scratching and stared back at them. He put his head on one side, and sniffed the air. Something wasn't quite right here.
"Er. Woof?" he said.
"A speaking dog?" said "Angua".
Somewhere deep, deep within Gaspodes mind, alarm bells began to ring.
"Pleeeeeeeeease?" "Kylah" pleaded.
"Okay. Get him." "Angua" replied.
"Kylah" grinned and began to walk slowly and meaningfully towards Gaspode, fingers twitching.
Gaspode turned and fled down an alleyway as best he could. Perhaps not fled. But he was propelled by sheer desperation to get away, so he definitely at least ran fast. Pretty fast, anyway.
"Kylah" walked a little faster, not wanting the fun to be over too quickly.
"Angua" watched the two of them and wondered how long they could afford to spend on this.
"Oh, what the hell, " she said to herself, "it needs to be done I suppose." She crossed the road and followed.

*****

After a brief pause for breath, Vimes walked quickly inside the main building of Unseen University. He grabbed a passing wizard and brought him up close.
"Where's the Archchancellor?" he demanded.
"I…I…d-don't know." the wizard stuttered.
"Find him! Now. Or you'll be glad you're not allowed to start a family." Vimes said menacingly.
"O-okay."
Vimes let go and the wizard scurried away down the corridor and through some double-doors. He smiled grimly as they crashed shut. Three minutes later Archancellor Ridcully walked heavily along the stone corridor.
"Ah, Vimes," he boomed, "How can I help you?"
"I need to speak to you urgently Archancellor. In private."
"Good man, follow me."
The Archancellor led the way back along the corridor and up the stairs to his office. Vimes followed him inside and shut the door behind him.
Ridcully walked around his desk and sat down on the heavy leather chair. He looked expectantly at Vimes.
Vimes spoke.
"Angua is going to be meeting me at the Watch House in about half an hour." he said.
"She is? And how exactly is she going to do that, when she is currently a, er, a guest of Death?"
"My point Archancellor. My meeting will be with Angua's body. It's who's wearing it that's concerning me. It obviously isn't Angua herself, so from where I stand, someone, or something, is using her body instead."
"Hmmmmm, interesting," said the Archancellor, tapping his fingers on the desk. "You're absolutely sure you'll be seeing her soon, yes?"
"Positive. I told her to fetch Kylah, young Stibbons' sister, and bring her to me at the Watch House. Considering that she's also a, a guest of Death, if she turns up it means her body is being used also, do you agree?"
"Indeed I do Vimes. And why, exactly, are you telling me this?"
"Simple Archancellor. I want you to summon Death and find out what's going on."

*****

Gaspode ran down the alleyway, limping as he did so, eventually sliding to a halt. Looking over his shoulder, he saw his followers walking along at the same pace, patient and menacing. He saw their grins, and knew he had to think fast. He looked up at the building he was standing next to, and the proverbial light bulb flashed on, approximately three inches above his head. He had no idea what was going on, or what had happened to Angua, but he figured this was worth a shot. He certainly couldn't keep running from them anyway. With one last look back, he ducked through a gap in the doorway and scampered through to the kitchen. Deciding there wasn't time to hunt for food, he trotted under the table, lay down and put his paws across his eyes.

*****

The Archancellor held his head in his hands and groaned.
"Summon Death," he repeated, "again. He'll flip if we do it again so soon. He doesn't like being summoned as it is."
"That's not my problem Archancellor. Can you do it or not?"
The Archancellor sighed.
"Yes, very well, come on. You are right I suppose, we need to find out, and quick. Follow me."
Ridcully led the way along the passage, Vimes following close behind. He was led into a large room containing a number of wizards, milling about trying to look as though they would have been there anyway, regardless of the day's events.
Ridcully looked at them.
"Rite of Ashkente." he said simply.
"Again?! I'm not doing it, he's gonna be really pissed when he gets here." proclaimed the Dean.
"Shut up and get ready Dean. No decorations this time men, we're just going to do it. Now get in position." ordered the Archancellor.
"No decorations? Awwwwww, Arch - " the Dean began, silenced by Ridcullys stare. "Okayokay, I'm ready." he said grumpily.
"Right! Er, Captain Vimes?"
"Yes Archancellor?"
"Would you mind turning around for a minute while we do this? Sacred secret ritual and all that, you know how it is. I expect you have similar things in the Watch?"
"I hope not." Vimes replied, turning his back on the circle of wizards.
Two minutes and a lot of stifled giggles later, the air crackled and Vimes turned around. Fifteen feet in front of him stood the tall thin figure of Death, complete with scythe and cowl. Vimes was impressed.
"WHAT NOW, WIZARDS?" he said in that inimitable way of his.
"Well, sorry to bother you again, but, you see…" Ridcully paused.
"NO. BUT I'M SURE I WILL IF YOU FINISH YOUR SENTENCE."
"Well, you see, Captain Vimes here," he said, pointing, "he wants to speak to you." he finished quickly, stepping back.
Vimes looked hard at the Archancellor.
"CAPTAIN VIMES?" said Death. He appeared to be thinking about that name.
Vimes took a few steps forward until he was just a couple of yards away from Death. He looked up and saw eternity in the hollow sockets. He didn't even flinch.

*****

"Angua" and "Kylah" reached the building that Gaspode had entered. They looked at each other, and walked inside. "Angua" grabbed "Kylah's" arm.
"Wait!" she cried urgently.
"What?!"
"You know where we are?"
"Yes," she said. She looked around the room. "We're in the house of someone very untidy."
"No no no! This house belongs to Mrs Cake!"
"Mrs C…are you sure?"
"Yes! I know it does, I recognize it from the…stories."
"Kylah's" face went pale. She remembered the stories.
"You're right. What do we do now?"
"We leave. Very quickly. The mutt can wait, we'll get him later."
"But he knows you're not Angua."
"Doesn't matter, he's a dog, what can he do? It's not as if he's healthy, and people aren't going to believe he can talk anyway."
"They will do when he talks to them!"
"No they won't, people are stupid that way. Let's go."
"Angua turned and hurried back into the alley. "Kylah" followed close behind. They looked up and down the alley, and began to walk quickly back the way they'd come.
"Now what?" "Kylah" asked.
"We're going to the Watch House, we've still got to see this Vimes remember?"
"Right."
"You're still not allowed to kill him."
"Awwww, pl - "
"No! Now move!"
They both burst into a sprint, slowing down as they reached the street again. They looked back over their shoulders and shuddered before continuing their walk to the Watch House.

*****

Gaspode poked his head slowly out of the doorway and squinted down the alleyway, just in time to see them turn onto the street. He brought his scraggly frame fully out of the doorway and sat down. He thought hard. "Great," he said to himself, "there's trouble about and who has to come to the rescue? Bloody me, that's who. Nice doggy, doggywannabone? I'll want a whole bloody cow if I pull this one off. It's not my job anyway, where's that damn Wizzard when you need him, hmmm?!"
Gaspode sighed, and limped off along the alleyway, sniffing the ground. For effect, you understand.

*****

Early evening and Nobby sat lazily on the front desk, a smouldering roll-up hanging limply from his lips. He was hot and tired and not at all in a talkative mood. He thought longingly about getting off his shift and nipping down to The Bucket for a damn good drinking session with whoever was miserable enough to join him. He was just about to nod off when through the doorway, a pretty young lady stepped. Nobby looked on with non-chalant interest and went back to leaning his head against his fist but then Corporal Angua entered. She looked at Nobby and gave him a heart-felt smile and a cheerful nod. He repaid her trouble with a puzzled look and a half-hearted salute.
"Good evening Corporal" she offered coolly.
"And to you, ma'am" he managed
"Would you happen to know if the Commander of the Watch is available?" she enquired politely. 'The Commander of the Watch'? Nobby had never heard him called that before. Come to think of it, he had never encountered Angua being this polite before. This was puzzling. So Nobby did what every male in the universe does when he is faced with odd female behaviour and has no logical explanation for it.
"Must be something to do with what month it is, or something" He muttered quietly.
"I'm sorry?"
"Wha? Oh, no, nothing, um yeah, 'Commander Vimes' is in his office, he's been waitin' for you and her I suppose, just go on up." He said. Angua gave him a warm smile again and a "Thank you Corporal." and away she and her companion went. It struck Nobby there and then that while this conversation had taken place, Angua's friend had been watching him. Her hands had been twitching and he had generally felt 'hunted'.
"Who knows," he said " maybe the months affect me as well." and he went back to his lazy daydreams and thought hard how he could use the lunar calendar to arrange time off work.

"Did you see him?" "Kylah" asked excitedly.
"What of him?" asked "Angua" irritably.
"He isn't very much, they surely wouldnt miss him, could I? Please? when we leave?" She begged.
"No! We have waste enough time on your petty blood-lust, we are going to do things my way from now on!" "Angua" hissed back.
"Awww!"
"Be quiet!" And with that, she opened the door.

Everyone in Vimes's office looked to the door. Vimes sat in his chair, flanked on either side by Arch-chancellor Ridcully and The Dean. Huddled up behind them were the other members of the University Faculty as well as Sgt Colon. As Angua and Kylah stepped into the room, the Dean whimpered and the Senior Wrangler leaned over to him.
"I heard that they have several heads and hundreds of tentacles. I bet that's what we are dealing with here. Mark my words, Dungeon Dimensions for sure." He whispered and the Dean nearly started to cry in fear. Vimes ignored the scene behind him and looked at Angua. She smiled (which only made the Dean start to shake).
"Sergeant, please sit down." he asked. She obliged and Kylah settled on the chair beside her. The room was silent.
"So, Sergeant, I'd like a report on the current situation" Vimes stated.
"Certainly sir, the situation is as follows:
Corporal Carrot and Mr Stibbons are indeed 'guests of Death'. They will remain so, I suspect until someone thinks of a way to retrieve them from the other-side. Corporal Carrot remembers nothing about the attack of which he was accused and Mr Stibbons seemed rather pre-occupied then to worry about his attempted murder. When Kylah and I crossed over, we found that for some reason, we could only remain there for a limited time and so hence the reason we have returned."
Vimes pondered on this for a few moments.
"Very well, thank you."
"My pleasure sir."
Again, there was an uneasy silence.
"And how are you, Sergeant? I cant imagine that its pleasant living above the Mended Drum, shutupFred." Vimes said. Sgt Colon, who's lips had just that moment started to form a question, looked back down at the ground.
"It is not as bad as you might believe, Sir, It's alright." Angua said.
"I see, I see. Well, I wont keep you any longer Sergeant," said Vimes as he folded his arms in front of himself ", I believe your shift ends in a few moments, you might as well go off-duty now, shutupFred". Again, Sgt Colon looked away with a puzzled expression on his face.
"Thank you Sir." Angua said. She got up and together with Kylah; they glided out of the room, closing the door gently.
As soon as it shut, the room exploded in various conversations.
"Runes, I saw that fireball you were trying to summon!"
"It was only a precaution, Arch-chancellor, in case they decided to shed their human forms!"
"Either way, nobody summons any spells until I say so!"
"It was THEM! Their here, they're going to kill us all!"
"Yes Dean, and some have more than four mouths."
"Don't encourage him, Senior Wrangler!"
"Sorry Arch-chancellor, but its so much fun!"
"I don't understand Sir," this was from Sgt Colon "this is the night-watch. Her shift doesn't end in a few minutes. It begins in a few minutes."
"I know Fred."
"And she doesn't live anywhere near the Mended Drum."
"I know Fred."
The Wizards stared at Vimes.
"What do you think Commander?" asked Ridcully.
"I think," he replied "we are in big trouble."

*****

As the babbling in Vimes's office died down, they all turned to look at him he was staring into space a strange expression on his face. The silence was broken by a knock at the door and Nobby entered
"Umm sir, someones here to see you." Said Nobby uncertaintly
"Who is it Nobby?" asked Vimes
"I think you should come and see for yourself sir."
"Oh very well, excuse me" said Vimes addressing the wizards.
He walked out to the front desk
"Well Nobby where is this person?"
"Umm over there sir"
"But that's a ……….." stammered Vimes the uncertainty showng in his voice.
"Wolf sir?" carried on Nobby for him.
"I know wha…Oh" Vimes stopped talking looked straight at the wolf and said
"You'd better come with me sir"As he held the door open for the wolf to pass through.
Nobby watched them disapear into another office and sat back down wondering if anyone would miss him if he disapeared a little early than usual cos he felt like he could really murder a pint. He closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep. Suddenly he was rudely awakened by a smooth leathery hand grabbing him and shaking him, the first sounds he could recognise was
"Oooook!!!!!"

Vimes closed the door to Carrots office went to the cupboard and pulled out Carrots change of clothes that he always kept in case his uniform got dirty. He laid them on the desk and turned his back.
"You'd better umm… do what you have to do, I guess" unsure of what he was gonna see when he turned around again. He heard the strangest sounds, which he was sure he never wanted to hear again.
"You can turn round now Commander Vimes" Said a male voice from behind him.
Vimes turned round to see a young man standing in front of him. Not quite as tall as Carrot and a lot more slender.
"No prizes for guessing who you're a relation of" Commented Vimes
"I am Karl von Uberwald, Anguas brother, I have come to find my sister I'm very worried about her, I was hoping you could tell me where I could find her." Replied Karl.
"You'd better sit down, this may take a while" said Vimes sighing.
Karl listened as Vimes told him the current events of how Angua was a guest of DEATH's and how someone or something had taken over her body.
"I knew something was up when she came to see us she didn't know who we were, she was very confused and then she just left with no explanation, nothing, that's why I came I thought she was in trouble" said Karl quietly.
"So what do we do now, tell me how I can help get my sister back.
At that moment Nobby knocked on the door and entered.
"Sir theres a Monkey here to see….." Just then the librarian flew threw the door giving Nobby a sharp smack on the head. Nobby stood there dazed for a second then wanderd off dazed and muttering
"Anyone get the number of that donkey cart?" He walked out of the watch house and straight to the nearest bar where he stayed on observation duty for the rest of the night.
"Ook oooook oookooook!" ooked the librarian shaking Vimes rapidly
"Ook oook ooook!!!!!" He turned to Karl about to shake him as well when Karl let out a low growl, the librarian changed his mind and went back to shaking Vimes.
"oooooook oook ook!!!!"
"SOMEONE GET A TRANSLATOR IN HERE NOW!!" Shouted Vimes
"BEFORE ALL MY TEETH FALL OUT!!"

*****

Angua, Carrot, Stibbons and Kylah were all sitting around a large table rather nervously. In the manner of people who had just seen their host vanish before their eyes. Which had in fact happened.
"Where's he gone?" demanded Kylah.
The others shrugged.
Albert chose this moment to walk in with a tray of what looked like tea with fat floating in it.
"They summoned him. He hates that does the master. He always comes back in a bad mood after they do that. It'll be even worse now though. Twice in one day. Last time that happened it took me weeks to get the stains off the ceiling."
"Who are the 'they' you refer to." asked Carrot.
"Those damned wizards. It's not like in my day. Bunch of fat arsed lunatics the lot of them. Couldn't find a fireball spell if they had a bloody map."
"You were a wizard then?" said Angua.
"Hah! You could say that."
"You're Alberto Malich? I thought I recognised you." said Carrot.
"'Ere how do you know who I am?"
"Oh I know all about you. At least all that I could find out from the books the librarian kindly loaned me. You were an amazing man. Which a very varied life."
"Well, I don't like to brag..."
"Really? That's not what Der Libum Malicho said. 'If there's one thing Alberto likes more than hearing about himself, it's talking about himself.' Then in the book 'Alberto Malich, It's a funny old life" the author mentioned how you had an ego the size of Great A'Tuin and the only way to stop you lying about what you'd done was to buy you five pints of beer. Then in the book 'Death and ways not to avoid it'…"
"Yes well. That's enough of that." Interrupted Angua as Albert's face turned a dark shade of crimson. Carrot looked at her with a look of confusion on his face. An imperceptible shake of her head, being her traditional signal to him, led him to change subject.
"I must say," began Carrot looking into his cup of tea. "In all the books I've read on you, there wasn't one mention of your love of fat."
Just before Angua started laughing and Albert started shouting Death returned with his usual good timing.
He stood with his back to the group.
"Master!" exclaimed Albert, sensing the skeleton's mood.
ALBERT. PREPATE BINKY. WE ARE GOING OUT FOR A STALK AND WE MAY BE SOME TIME.
"Sir?"
SOMEONE HAS BEEN MEDDLING IN MY REALM. I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS.
Death turned to face the assembly of humans. They recoiled in shock. His eyes were burning bright red.
I AM NOT BEST PLEASED ALBERT. AND SOMEONE IS GOING TO PAY.

*****

"I'm sorry sir, but it seems all the wizards who understand the librarian have buggered off, and that Karl person is still looking he thought he might be able to smell them." Said Colon.
"Damnit Fred. How are we meant to understand what he's telling us then? He seems pretty insistent. It must be something important to get him this agitated."
The librarian sat in the corner 'ooking' over and over.
"It's probably a book sir. You know he's devil when one's overdue."
"You're probably right Fred. It's just this business with Carrot's got me jumpy."
"S'cuse me."
"Did you say that Sergeant?"
"Errrr no" said Colon, sweat gathering on his forehead ready to invade "didn't you?"
"Look down here you daft buggers."
The two watchmen looked down to see a Gaspode staring up at them.
"Oh no." said Vimes. "Next thing you know Errol will be turning up."
A dark shadow flew past the window, they could just make out the shapes of wings.
"Those gargoyles ain't keeping the pigeon population down too well then." said Gaspode.
"I thought we'd seen the last of you." Said Vimes
"Oh glad to see you too, I don't think." said Gaspode.
"So what the hell are you doing round here. I told you we don't have any food scraps. Nobby always takes them."
"It's not about food. Well sort of. Seems to me there's something up with Angua. What her not being in her body an' all."
"How do you know that?"
"Animal instincts ain't it? Bloody sensitive thing this nose. Plus her and her friend tried to eat me. I can tell something's up when that happens."
"How observant you are." Said Vimes dryly.
"Look don't come over all sarcastic on me. You wanna know what the ape's saying or not?"
"You can understand him?" said Colon
Gaspode rolled his eyes.
"Course I can. You're right it is about a book. But it's not overdue…."

*****

A dark figure lurked in the gloom as they tend to do at points like these. The mysterious figure sat or possibly stood, it was hard to tell with no light, next to a window overlooking the city.
"I'm sorry my sister. But the forces of darkness are ones to be reckoned with. They will triumph. I'm afraid dear sister that you will suffer."
Always worrying when someone starts talking to someone who isn't there and uses the phrase "to be reckoned with" but scheming megalomaniac's tend to say the same things17. The figure left his place by the window. But since it was dark and he was in darkness noone, had they been there would have noticed at all.

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17: In the outer regions of Howandaland they use this fact as a form of policing. Early on in life schoolwork of children is scrutinised by trained experts. They look out for sentences contai8ning scheme, master plan, I'll make the fools pay, they'll rue the day and any written form of maniacal laughter. The use of the word lair has been banned in all but the most innocent of wildlife reports.