Through and Off …the back and out of the race.

Race reports following the escapades of the Yorkies 3^rd and 4^th Cats

Winning and washed out at Wetwang - 25-04-04

Yorkies experienced the highs and lows of road racing during the Wetwang Spring Road Race last weekend, with The Hippo’s heart rate tapping a phenomenal 175bpm and The Saint’s barely reaching 60 bpm as they stood at the start line. This was due to the start being half way up one of the steepest hills in north Yorkshire – well it was the steepest if you were looking through The Hippo’s eyes whereas it was a disabled ramp by a front door step if you were looking through The Saint’s. Unfortunately for The Hippo his heart rate didn’t drop for the next 2 hours. It may have been the heat. It may have been Saturday’s energy sapping training ride with John ‘Mr Courteous’ Bromley. It may even have been the stress of unshipping the chain while riding to the start as The Hippo tried to follow The Saint’s advice to ‘Spin up the hill’ - you try spinning with legs the length of pine trees. But which ever way you looked at it by the time the hooter signified the race had begun, The Hippo was well and truly pooped. In fact, The Hippo didn’t even have the strength to clip in to his pedals. So with the sound of The Hippo’s cleat slipping across the metal of the pedal the other riders were off and over the summit while The Hippo watched his manhood bounce down the hill following his self-induced castration-by-saddle.

After a couple of false starts The Hippo finally managed ‘to click in’ and regain touch with the back of the race in readiness of being dropped when they returned to the climb at the end of the first lap. It was going to be one of those days for The Hippo when everyone was out to get at him. The Saint started it all off by moving to the front of the peleton at the foot of the climb so that he could ‘wind up the pace’ - was this a sinister attempt by The Saint to eliminate The Hippo’s sprinting power by dropping him on the hill? If it was it worked, as The Hippo’s heart rate registered ‘boiling point’ at a staggering 192bpm (not bad for 4.0 mph!). However, by the summit The Hippo had amazingly restricted his losses to a mere 20 yards behind the peleton, but it took a monumental one-lap eyeballs-out effort before he managed to regain touch….which conveniently happened to be at the foot of the climb. This time The Saint, who was still at the front, finished the job properly and The Hippo went off the back of the race like a lead bowling ball down a 1 in 3 hill.

At last The Hippo could sit up and enjoy the beautiful Yorkshire Wolds as he rode around the course back to race HQ. But just as he arrived at the HQ and began to dismount a goupetto came pedalling by shouting ‘get on board Yorkie, let’s try not to get lapped’. Not wishing to dishonour the YRC jersey, The Hippo had to stay in the race and soon he was back at the foot of the climb. At least they were going at a manageable pace, but of course as soon as this thought entered The Hippo’s mind disaster struck as he unshipped his chain and off went the groupetto up the hill and into the distance. If he had the strength he would have thrown his bike into the nearby ditch Bjarne Riis style, but he didn’t as he couldn’t. In fact, fate was to deal another cruel blow as a spectator ran across the road shouting ‘you can catch them’. The Hippo had already turned his bike to face ‘home’ but somehow the spectator managed to give it an ‘about turn’ and he was soon pushing off The Hippo back up the hill (and in to the race again).

Now The Hippo was resigned to the fact that he was not going to be able to climb off in this race. So he rode the next two laps onwards and alone and under a constant barrage of encouragement from the marshals that ‘you’ve nearly caught them’ and ‘they’ve nearly caught you’. Eventually, The Hippo, regained contact with the groupetto with one lap to go and mesmerised by the site of another wheel he kept his gaze fixed in an attempt to make sure he didn’t lose it. Unfortunately however, the wheel he fixed on decided to climb off and by the time The Hippo realised this he had gone through the one lap to go and the remnants of the groupetto was 30 yards ahead. Reaching the finish line was a catalogue of humiliation. His speedo was no longer registering forward movement of the bike. The Marshals having done their duty for the day were overtaking him as they rode back towards HQ. Riders and spectators were heading down the hill in their droves with the race having finished over 10 minutes earlier. And The Saint was hurling insults at him by shouting “Go on Hippo, Go on. You can make it” with the finish line only 10 yards ahead.

Post race The Saint was like a ‘boy in a sweet shop’ as he tried to stay cool about winning his first ever road race. Apparently, he had dragged the entire peleton (minus The Hippo) around the 6 lap race eventually riding them off his wheel on the penultimate lap and then riding one final contender off his wheel on the climb to the finish creating a 12 second winning margin. He even picked up a prime along the way, not that this reporter saw any of it - for the fuller reports the Yorkies will need to employ a faster road racer or visit the BC web site. As for The Saint, well he bows out of Road Racing on a high with the win giving him sufficient BC points to upgrade to 2nd cat – oh how the 3^rd and 4^th cats rejoiced! You never know we may see him back towards the end of the season after he has snapped up a hatrick of national time trial victories at 10, 25 and 50.