Through and Off …the back and out of the race.

Race reports following the escapades of the Yorkies 3^rd and 4^th Cats

Team GB, YCF 25 TT, Surrey League and Hillingdon - 13-04-04

The sports changing room is a great leveller as I found out a few weeks ago. I was doing some taster sessions at Manchester Velodrome as part of my preparation for the Keighley Road Race in Oxenhope - I reckoned if I could get up the steep banking of the Velodrome the hills around Oxenhope would be a breeze (see race report 5 for the outcome of this novel hill training technique). As I was coming to the end of my session I heard one of the riders waiting to use the track say to his mate ‘Get that Hippo off our track, he’ll break the boards’. I was quite offended, especially when I later learned these tubs of lard were Jason ‘The Bulk’ Queally and Craig ‘Chunky Boy’ Maclean. I was sobbing when I arrived back in the changing room and a tall thin tanned guy with a goaty beard who was getting ready to train asked if I was okay. I said I was and noticed his sparkling new bib shorts “Did you get them replica Cofidas bib shorts from Probikekit.co.uk?” I asked, “I didn’t realise that they did them with world championship bands on” He replied with a short sharp grunt but I persevered “I see some of the Team GB lads are training today. I bet you wish you were as fit as them!” Clearly, my changing room banter was agitating him and then suddenly the penny dropped… “You’re Bradly Wiggins aren’t you? Can I have your autograph?” At this point he left.

Team GB bagged a handful of medals at the UCI Track World Cup event the following weekend although poor David Miller didn’t take part because of the Cofidas doping scandal – I guess that is why he refused my offer of some Smarties. Cycling Weekly claimed that Easter was one of the most successful weekends of racing for British Cycling as success on the track was matched with a tremendous ride by Roger Hammond in the Paris-Roubaix. The Yorkies weren’t doing too bad either that weekend with Carl ‘The Saint’ Saint and Matt ‘The Hip’ Howitt taking first and second in the YCF 25 TT on the V236. The Saint’s ride of 51’59, give him a winning margin of 3 minutes over The Hip with the also-rodes well behind. The Hip’s progress under Dave Lloyd is nothing short of staggering and The Hip is surely thinking of a podium place in the Scottish Nationals later in the season. I’m not sure how the other Yorkies faired as I had to leave before the results were posted but I did see John ‘The Balaclava’ Coleman’s mention in Cycling Weekly as he took another handicap win in a net time of 50’33.

The Easter weekend also saw The Hippo stealing victory from some soft southerners in a Surrey League 4th cat race at the Goodwood Racing circuit in Chichester. The race was ideal for The Hippo as it was a short flat 30 mile course with lots of slow riders and no chance of any lone breaks. The Hippo quickly found his form and was sucking wheels throughout although he occasionally came to the head of the peleton to display his YRC jersey to the foreign spectators. By the time the 1 lap-to-go sign appeared The Hippo was “in the zone” and with some Graham Brown-like bumping and barging, Hippo-the-Chippo Johnson sprinted out of the bunch to claim victory by the length of a wheel. Unfortunately, The Hippo’s two handed victory salute was cut short when his bike wobbled and with his arms flaying wildly in the air he only just managed to regain control of his bike before it crashed to the ground in an embarrassing heap.

Two days later and brimming with rock hard northern confidence The Hippo was at it again at the Hillingdon circuit in West London taking part in the most treacherous circuit race ever. The organisers in their wisdom decided to run 2 races simultaneously on a strip of tarmac 5 meters wide and 1.5 miles long which included a suicidal down hill U bend that needed to be negotiated over 20 times. For added spice the faster race of around 50 Elite,1st, 2^nd and 3^rd cats had to squeeze past the slower race of over 40, 4^th cats (including The Hippo) and with no-one giving any quarter many riders ended up in the adjacent ditches. With so few passing places The Hippo found himself stuck at the back of the pack for the majority of the race until with one lap to go he gritted his teeth, closed his eyes and charged head down toward the front of the bunch. However, everyone else was doing the same and this resulted in the whole peleton overcooking the U bend creating a blockage of mammoth proportions. By the time The Hippo had picked his way through the carnage the final 400 meter uphill sprint was upon him and he knew that his chance of victory had gone. But Yorkies never give up and he managed to stomp his way up the finishing straight to cross the line in 5^th spot - an impossible feat without the hours of velodrome hill training. It was all futile though, as The Hippo had refused to pay the £10 race series registration fee when he signed on and as a consequence he was omitted from the prize list and the BC race result sheet. The Hippo was last seen heading home on the M1 ranting about northern discrimination……