Through and Off …the back and out of the race.

Race reports following the escapades of the Yorkies 3^rd and 4^th Cats

Keighley RR - 04-04-04 (an omen if ever there was one!)

Sometimes you know that you have entered a road race that is way beyond your capability. It’s never a problem with time trials because riders have no idea how you are fairing in the race so you can ride at your own pace and turn a deaf ear to the faster riders as they encourage you to ‘dig in’ as they belt past. You’re only humiliated if you’re stupid enough to hang around the results board at the end of the race. Enter the wrong road race on the other hand and you’re in for 2 hours of self-imposed indignity sending even the toughest cyclist to the Prozac bottle….

When confirmation of my entry for the Keighley RR dropped through the letterbox I knew that I had made a serious mistake. The race seemed attractive in the BC Race Calendar because it was only open to 3^rd and 4^th cats and it was short (56km). What I failed to realise was that Oxenhope was not a motor racing circuit in Norfolk but rather a mountainous region of West Yorkshire – an understandable mistake for a non-travelled Geordie to make. Imagine my surprise when the entry details revealed a race route with a 1:5 climb on one side of the course and a steady but just as high mile-long climb on the other side. The sucker punch came in the words “10 laps”.

Clearly this was a race for Dave ‘The Mountain Goat’ Meakin not Mark ‘The Hippo’ Johnson. In fact the only thing heavier than me at the start line was the race commissure’s car so I decided to position myself at the back of the bunch in the hope that no-one would notice me slide out of the back of the race. However, even I was surprised at the rapidity of my slide, which for the record was in the neutralised zone! Initially, the broom wagon spared some of my blushes by resisting the urge to pass until the official start of the race. Unfortunately, by this time I had regained my composure and was ready to make contact with the peleton again, leaving me with a tricky manoeuvre back around the broom wagon much to the driver’s annoyance.

It was all futile though as within half a mile the 1:5 hill reared its ugly head and the peleton stretched, snapped and splintered, and I inhaled the exhaust of the broom wagon for the second time in the race. A groupetto of 15 riders headed over the climb and into the distance while the rest of us grovelled in packs of three and four struggling to make it to the summit. Fortunately we only had to repeat the misery of this circuit 9 more times with the only respite from the pain of the race being the pain of a hail storm.

By lap 5 I was riding on my own as and most of the sensible riders had climbed off. I could see them watching from the comfort of their cars as I crawled through the home straight again and again to endure the anguish of ‘just one more’ miserable circuit. I even heard them snigger when my demise sunk to an all time low as the headlamps of the lead car appeared behind me with 3 laps to go. Soon I was being passed by race winner Richard Dean (Don Valley Cycles) and runner up Michael Mudd (Team Chevin) who were chatting casually while dancing on their pedals up the climb. I somehow managed to summon the strength to keep the remnants of the groupetto at bay until the penultimate lap but eventually even they caught me and I was inhaling the broom wagon’s exhaust yet again. As the groupetto sped off down the road for their finish I grinded my gears to a virtual halt on the 1:5 – spinning at a cadence of 40 rpm and reaching a stunning 4.0 mph (with a tail wind). When I eventually crept across the finishing line some minutes later, the marshals were on their way home. I decided not to hang around to receive my award for being passed by the broom wagon the most times in one race.

However, the race wasn’t a complete disaster for YRC as Russell Hempton, who had EOL, bagged 10^th spot. I didn’t realise that Russell was riding otherwise I would have dug deeper to give him a lead out of the neutralised zone.

By all accounts Carl ‘The Saint’ Saint, Steve ‘The Hammer’ Houghton and Steve ‘Team Leader’ Woodrup were also suffering like dogs at the weekend in The Circuit of the Dales. In fact the wind was so strong it blew The Saint’s helmet off revealing a snazzy thermal brow warmer! Check it out at http://www.liverpoolcentury.fsnet.co.uk/nelsonwh040404/index.htm (Print # / 040404-144 - the last photo). Fortunately, this didn’t hinder The Saint as he was up to his old tricks blowing away Gethin Butler and all comers to win by a 2 minute margin in 02h 13min 54sec. He even managed a smile in the photo (although he’ll reckon it’s a grimace)! In contrast, real suffering can be seen on the faces of Team Leader Woodrup (Print # / 040404-139) and Hammer Houghton (Print # / 040404-071 and Print # / 040404-075) who also posted very respectable times (02:32:59 and 02:43:35 respectively). If only they awarded endeavour rather than speed.