Through and Off …the back and out of the race.

Race reports following the escapades of the Yorkies 3^rd and 4^th Cats

(and the 2^nd Cat too - to keep Near-Vet Saint happy)

Yorkies reach dizzy heights in the Ballantyne Trophy RR and the Croft Park Circuit Race League 23-05-04

Hammer Houghton and Hippo Johnson entered the Ballyntyne RR because it was being held at Ponteland near Newcastle which is relatively flat. Imagine their surprise when the race details arrived and The Hippo, being a model professional, checked out the route on his tatty Ordinance Survey map only to find that it was peppered with tightly packed contour lines. Regular readers of this column will know that The Hippo, who weighs in at 90kg (this rises to 3 figures after breakfast), is vertically challenged – that is he cannot climb. Hammer Houghton isn’t exactly Marco Pantani either, so as the Yorkies took their places on the start line their combined weight was greater than the other 58 riders put together - Sumo wrestlers at a whippet race comes to mind. To his credit, The Hippo stuck with the pack for 30 km before being shelled out as the race headed into the stratosphere at Rothbury – leaving The Hippo with a solitary ride home with only a haze of lactic acid for company. The Hammer, fuelled by 100 mile rides from Leeds to Masham (brewery) and back managed to hang in for a further 30 km before he too succumbed to the incessant race pace. However, The Hammer left his mark by elbowing a fellow rider into a hedge as they fought out a sprint for 33^rd place. The Hippo finished 8 minutes later as the sun was setting……

Two days later the deadly duo were back on the flatlands of the Croft Park Motor Racing Circuit where power rules and fat blokes have a chance of the spoils. Those of you who have been following the progress of Yorkies at Croft Park in the Cycling Weekly Results Section will have noticed that The Hippo was lying 2^nd in the overall standings with The Hammer close behind in 8^th. So with the adulation of being marked men, their numbers were even written on the handle bars of fellow competitors, the Yorkies headed off in search of more points. Fat we are, but thick we’re not. We knew that the peleton would be less concerned with the 8^th place rider than the 2^nd placed rider so The Hammer decided to make a break from the starter’s gun. The way he did it was rather hypnotic, edging away bit by bit while the peleton laughed in disbelief. But 5 yards became 10, then 10 became 20 and 20 became 150 and suddenly the pack realised that the elastic had snapped and The Hammer and 8 others were away. The Hippo, who had been dreaming about the post race buffet, which for the record is particularly good at Croft with a splendid range of sandwiches, crisps, cakes and chocolate bars, knew that it was now time to jump across to the Hammer’s groupetto, but he had to abort every time he tried because he was taking the peleton with him - not even The Hippo could put self before the team. So fuelled with the strength gained from completing the Ballyntyne RR The Hammer and his groupetto kept away for the entire 30 mile race. Only 2 scratch riders managed to reach them and unfortunately for The Hammer there were no hedges in the finishing straight so he was unable to use his famous elbow manoeuvre in the sprint. Nevertheless, he managed to secure third spot and together with some prime points along the way he was elevated into the dizzy heights of third in the overall standings.

Smarting from his success at Croft, The Hammer was brought down to earth the following night when he devoured another race at the Wakefield RR Series. Russell Hepton made a guest appearance and rode strongly in the pack whereas The Hammer stumbled home at the back of the race and even took the opportunity to climb off 100 yards from the finish to help clear up bits of bikes and riders who had crashed in the finishing sprint. Oh how we love the highs and lows of cycle racing….and for The Hammer things were about to get a lot lower – see next weeks report.