Jason Woodworth (The Governor)–Esquires very own ‘Special One’ is still learning his trade as a manager. However, he has already had great success leading the team to two divisional titles and a cup-final. Also a good left back, Jay has not played himself much for the past two seasons. Jay is at his happiest when he’s throwing water bottles around on the touchline, or checking his phone at the end of each month to see if he’s won another Manager-of-the-Month award (two and counting).

Rob Walker (Kawamae) – Despite no-one understanding his Yorkshire accent, Rob has total command of his area. An excellent shot stopper, Rob has been responsible for many of Esquires clean sheets. Also a first class penalty saver (like a true Yorkshire man, he saves everything he can get his hands on)

James Symonds (Fresher) - Even though he comes in at a little under 4ft tall, James is a solid left back, and likes nothing more than to bomb forward, leading to him scoring many goals a season. Has the uncanny knack of being in the right place at the right time, which serves him well on the pitch and also off it, when he always seems to have finished his pint when someone else is off to the bar.

Nick Attwater (Gerrard) - After lifting the Champions League Trophy with Liverpool a few seasons back, Nick decided to commit his future to Esquires. He’s noted for his barn-storming runs forward from his centre-back position, normally only being stopped when he reaches the fences behind the opposition goal. Also the chief ‘giver-away’ of penalties in the Esquire team.

Andy Gregory (Gregs) - When not filming Dawsons Creek or being injured for Newcastle, Andy is a lynchpin of the Esquires defence. He also pops up with vital goals and will therefore no doubt, like his soundalike Michael Owen, be expecting a helicopter to bring him to training and games this season in from his Westoning home.

Dave Fitzsimmons (Killer) –An attacking right-back who is also as solid as a rock in defence. Noted for his ‘Second-touch-is-always-a-tackle’ style of play, Dave can often be found crossing a ball out of play in the right-wing position, and then mis-timing a tackle and conceding a free-kick at right back moments later. Likes to pass to opposition players at least twice a game, just so he can kick them.

Tom Orton (Tom)-Despite a fledgling pop career, the James Blunt look alike has turned his back on the fame, money and women to turn out for Esquires. Runs for 90 minutes, usually to get back into position. A solid player who likes to attack players with his pace, Tom enjoys nothing more than beating his opposite number whilst humming You’re Beautiful to himself.

Stuart Mellon (Mellon) - A tigerish midfielder who wins more than his fair share of tackles. Stu plays his heart out in every game and is always in the thick of the action, especially when that ‘action’ involves a 30 yard sliding tackle, which sometimes even involves the ball. Stu is also the only Esquires player with the ability to hit a post from one yard out, and then win the resulting rebound back in midfield.

Stuart Collyer (The crab) – Graeme le Saux camp-a-like, notable for his dangerously high blood pressure and the inability to move forwards or backwards. Stu is happiest when in dunkin donuts, but before it opens, Stu likes to patrol the centre circle anchoring the esquires midfield, and what an effective anchor (with a capital W)he makes!

Andy Mclaughlin (Rav) -Despite being over 70 years of age, Rav always leads from the front and is the lynchpin of the Esquires team. Combines both his defensive and attacking duties effortlessly, he is also the only player in the Esquires squad capable of heading a ball in the direction he meant it to go, when his knees allow him to jump that is. Can cope with any opposition player easily, but is no match for his daughter when he’s hung-over

Andy Angus (Frodo) - When not fighting dragons in Mordor, Andy spends his time on a Sunday leaving defenders for dead. He has blisteringpace and a thunderous shot, and when these two things are combined, he’s unstoppable. As soon as he’s returned the ring with Gandalf, and learns to pass, he will be a vital part of the Esquires front-line. Due to win a header this season.

Gary Russon (The Ginger Drogba) - Founder (and still the only) member of the Gary Russon Appreciation Society, Gary was Esquires top scorer last season, due to his ability to finish with his head or either foot. He also has a quick change of pace from walk to trot. He’s at his happiest when talking about himself, and is therefore always happy.

Bernard Queeley (Bernie) – A quiet man off the pitch, Bernie does his talking (mainly threatening) on the pitch. Not completed a full 90 minutes for a few seasons (primarily as his lungs would give out), but always gives 110%. Has the ability to play anywhere and scores some vital and fantastic goals, often with thunderous finishes from 30 yards out, or thunderous finishes from two yards out.

Steve Cartlidge (Sideburn Steve) – The quiet man of the team, Steve can play both centre-back and right-back. Often cycles to games, which could explain why he constantly looks exhausted during a game. Has scored goals by wrong-footing the keeper (and the rest of his team mates) while using his left foot. Just don’t make him angry, you wouldn’t like him when his angry.

Andy Sheratt (Sheratt) – After one season with the Esquires team, Andy has found himself an important position within the team as the butt of most of the jokes. When sober on a Sunday morning, Andy has turned in some excellent performances and is more than capable of creating and scoring great goals, especially with back-passes at the opposition keeper from 40yards.

Tom Wyldes (Wyldzie) – After signing on as a keeper, it was soon realised that it was safer for the team if Tom was moved out to the right hand side of the pitch, where he can play in both defence and midfield. Always gives 100% when he plays and never disappoints, as the team are always guaranteed a laugh due to his crossing Scored his first goal for the club at the end of last season but is still waiting to score with a woman.