Chinese Lesbians in the UK - Stephanie Lam  (2005)

I used to think I was the only Chinese lesbian in the UK. Being Chinese, I’m already in quite a small minority: we’re less than half a percent of the population. And as a Chinese lesbian, I’m a minority within a minority.

I haven’t even met that many other British Born Chinese people, or BBCs as we’re known. It’s a term used to describe those of us whose parents emigrated to the UK from Hong Kong, China and ex-British colonies such as Malaysia or Mauritius, where my father was born. We BBCs were born and brought up in the UK, but with a cultural identity that’s difficult to define. And if we switch on the TV or open a newspaper we won’t get much help there.

Susanna Yau, 33, a British Born Chinese community activist from London, thinks the British media represents the Chinese in such a way there’s no room to be anything more than a stereotype. ‘We’re all gangsters, exotic women, martial arts experts and restaurant workers,’ she says. ‘It’s fairly narrow. And as lesbians don’t fit into any of those boxes, we’re ignored.’

So it wasn’t like I was ever going to see a Chinese lesbian popping up in EastEnders – at least, not any time soon. In fact, I’d almost forgotten the possibility that there were other people like me when last year, quite by chance, I came across a website. It was called www.bbclesbian.co.uk, and it was set up by Amy Cham, a 24-year-old artist from Manchester.

Amy, just like me, said that she’d thought she was the only one too. ‘In my whole life,’ she says, ‘I was the only Chinese lesbian I had ever met!’ Once she’d realised this, she decided to do something about it, and in February 2004 she set up the first website dedicated to providing Chinese lesbians in the UK with a voice.

Up until recently I would label myself as a lesbian, and not a BBC lesbian,’ Amy says. ‘The initial project was born fundamentally out of a wish to explore my own identity in my artwork. This led into my research and it was from this that I realised that whilst there is a plethora of support, websites, networks, plain visibility, for Chinese lesbians in countries such as Canada, Hong Kong, Singapore and the USA, there was a distinct lack of visibility for Chinese lesbians in the UK.’

It then seemed a logical step to try to establish a network, in the form of a website which would have a forum for Chinese lesbians to meet, and a resource for ‘all things Chinese lesbian-related,’ she says. ‘Films, articles, links to other Chinese lesbian websites, and so on.’

At the start, the network consisted of Amy and two other women she had met in the course of her research. ‘I didn’t know how it was going to take off,’ she says. ‘I realised the best way to create a network was to let it grow organically, and not force it to happen.’

News of the website spread by word of mouth, and by the end of the month thirteen women were members. From there, it just carried on growing. Events manager Andrea Ku, 27, was one of those members. ‘I think the website’s important, not just for people my age, but for other Chinese lesbians, young and old...There are very few Chinese lesbians out and about so it can be a place where they can identify with others and not feel alienated.’

SuMay Hwang, 37, web editor of www.gingerbeer.co.uk, agrees. ‘There’s stuff you don’t have to explain when you’re together with other Chinese lesbians. You realise how many shared experiences you have.’

One shared experience we all have is of coming out to parents who’ve been brought up in a different culture to ourselves. Whether this alters their reaction is difficult to say, but student Julie Cheung, 20, hasn’t come out to her parents and partly blames the Chinese culture. ‘It doesn’t encourage me to tell them,’ she says, ‘The ideology of having a 2.4 children family has been perfectly set by my brothers. I wouldn’t know how they’d react, but disappointment would be in mind.’

Another student, Roy, 21 and living in Edinburgh, decided to come out to her mother a year ago and found the whole experience very difficult. ‘It was extremely bad and sad and painful,’ she says. ‘She said if I was serious then she didn’t want me for a daughter. I wasn’t prepared for that at all...Now she knows that me and my girlfriend are living together and doesn’t say anything about it. I know she’s disappointed in every way, but it’s getting better. After all, I’m sure she just wants me to be happy.’

As with all coming out stories, they range from negative to positive. Susanna says, ‘When I told my mother I was gay she said she’d guessed already. She said, “I’m your mother and I know what you’re doing before you even do it.” I was totally shocked, and then she invited my girlfriend to come in and have a cup of tea. I couldn’t believe it. I was happy and in tears and a whole mixture of emotions.’  Prison officer Bambi, 32, says that her parents were upset at the beginning: ‘They thought I’d be discriminated against by other people. But over the years things have changed. They’ve come to terms with it, and my mum has even met my current partner.’

Another experience we can all share is that of being in a minority within the gay community. If you look Chinese you stand out, and you can’t fade into the background whenever you want. ‘Even when I’m in the company of other lesbians, people more often than not notice me more,’ says Amy. ‘Although it sometimes doesn’t help matters when I have a skinhead!’

Occasionally, we meet with a less than positive reaction from non-Chinese gays and lesbians. ‘I have had a few weird experiences from ignorant people,’ says SuMay. ‘There are some who still think it’s funny to pretend they can speak Chinese. And I have been introduced to people who were taken aback when they found out my parents didn’t work in a takeaway.’

Sometimes this ignorance extends to disbelief that Chinese lesbians even exist. Susanna remembers being questioned at gay clubs in London as to her sexuality. ‘People wouldn’t believe I was a lesbian. “But you’re Chinese!” they’d say. And it wasn’t just white people that would say it.’

Even Chinese people have thought it. Bambi says that before she came out, she didn’t believe Chinese lesbians existed. ‘I didn’t even know it was possible to be gay and Chinese. I used to have the idea it was a “western” thing,’ she says.

Still, maybe things are improving as the gay scene becomes more accepting of diversity, and people of all ethnic groups refuse to apply blanket stereotypes. Julie says she’s never experienced a racist reaction from gay people of any nationality. ‘I’ve been very involved with the gay community at my university as president of the LGBT society. I personally believe that seeing a “non-English” person in the role of president gives our international members reassurance that it’s OK to be gay.’

The notion of ‘being seen’ is part of the ethos that lies behind the idea for the BBC lesbian website. As Bambi says, ‘Visibility helps Chinese lesbians to support each other in this otherwise rather isolated place.’

Amy loves the fact that members are saying this about the website: ‘It isn’t about a desire to separate from mainstream life,’ she says. ‘It’s about providing a space to acknowledge and celebrate difference.’ The network is still growing, and now has over fifty members, including people from Australia, the USA, Hong Kong and Singapore.

Amy is still trying to push for more visibility of Chinese lesbians. As resident artist and learning co-ordinator at the Chinese Arts Centre in Manchester, she talks about the idea of “conversational drift”, where the conversations that people have about the artwork are more important than the piece itself. She’s happy the website has started something, and says, ‘I hope the dialogues that have grown from it will continue to empower people, both in the UK and outside. I realised my idea had worked when I went on the forum one day and saw that members who lived in London were arranging to meet up. It had taken on a life without me, and that’s exactly what I wanted.’

From starting the website for, as she says, ‘selfish reasons: I wanted to know I wasn’t the only one,’ the project has become much more than this. It gives its members a space to express themselves and to feel as if they’re not alone, and provides the Chinese lesbian community as a whole with a much-needed voice.

We need to show the world that we’re more than kung fu and chow mein. Chinese lesbians have come out, and we’re here to stay.